Dear Past

Dear past,

How are you? I hope you found your home already, no longer staying at my own room. I already got so many baggage here, and yours cannot possibly fit here. It was a hard goodbye several months ago. It was kinda sad to see you leave this small room o'mine. We've been together for 11 years, and you've been the one accompanied me during my state of solitude, just when I needed someone to resort to. You kept giving me this ray of hope, which later I found out to be nothing more than a mere illusion. But I still have to acknowledge for our time together.

No, we had no quarrel. I still remember the separation, when I decided that I need to go out of this small chamber within my head. That I need to free myself from my addiction to you. You gave me euphoria, pleasure, and delirium. But I couldn't have them all, only in my head. They were and never real. And we decided to live our own life separately.

However, recently two of my best friends came and said something about you. They reminded me of you, of that old story, of that 11-year-of-togetherness. Both of them posted something in the facebook and dedicated those writings to me. Reading those, I couldn't help but reminisce about you.
Interestingly, both posts are related to angel, the fallen angel and the wingless one. Ah, it brought back memories, memories of the most beautiful angel ever. The one that seized my heart back then. Well, one friend of mine once said that man can only "fall in love" once in his life. If that's true, I think I already spent that chance. Ah, I think you know this story. We used to talk about this thing for the whole night long. A beautiful tale of sincerity, of loving and letting go, of being overshadowed and useless await.

Ah, I think I unearthed those sweet stories already. Too sweet that it aches. It came back from the ghost of the remembrance into a silhouette of the mind. But ever since you left, I was able to see through the things clearly. She might be my angel, but she is not the only angel in this world. Probably my first angel, the fallen and wingless one, but I don't think she would be my last.

Well, I think I mumbled too much. I just hope for your safety, wherever you are. Don't worry, even though we don't live under the same roof again, I will still pay you a visit once or twice. We've been friends, haven't we? Why should I erase my memories of you?

Just be good in your new place, dear. Please, take care of my strong but innocent wingless fallen angel.

Regards,

Chrysogonus Siddha Malilang

Teaching and Orgasm

Darn, it's been a long time since I touch this blog of mine. All the teaching, classes, and corrections had successfully made me away. Not even a time to enjoy myself completely. But I DID manage to sneak time to play with my Nintendo DS and Megaten.... What a perfect lecturer I am... Hwahahahahahahaha... Good God, playing game during a break in the common room? THAT'S MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

But anyway, strange thing that I found, I don't really feel exhausted doing all the teaching thingies. Tired? Of course, physically. But to be honest, I felt this mental satisfaction. It doesn't feel like I'm working, but I am playing a game instead. I enjoy every moment standing in front of the class, every time I joked around, every time I stare at my students' face.

I think you can say that I am fortunate enough, I work in the place that I like best. For example, other people might bitched around if they got to teach 5 classes in a day, from 7 in the morning to 8 at nite. And three out of five classes were 6 hours in a row. From 2 to 8... Breaking time.... At first, I thought that I couldn't make it. But turned out, I ENJOOOY IT!!!!

Writing class, seeing those smiling faces when I said I gave them 6 hours for the test. Reading class, all the new and spirited faces, along with some cute and young faces (Bwahahahahaha, teteup!!!). Pronunciation class, which turned out to be very fuuuun.. As well as two intermediate classes... With some cute faces and curves (Wkwkwkwkwk, I know it might sound so vulgar..... Peace!!!)

I don't know why, but teaching gave me a mental orgasm....

So dear blog readers (like I have any?????), till next time, when my teaching orgasm subside.... CIAOOOOO!!!!!!

A Lone Nerd

It was a hot noon, and my stomach growled already. The first of the month, so my paycheck was in hand. I decided to have my lunch at McDonald. It has been years since I went to that junkie-fast-food restaurant. I was just curious on how it tasted. This tongue of mine has already forgot it.

And so I went there all alone. As usual, dwelling in my own solitude. People might stare at me, a single guy entering McD without any friend. Well, I get used to it already, with all those staring and mocking glance. True, at that time I was the only one who came alone. No friend, no girlfriend. Meanwhile, everybody else was coming with at least one company.

Hell! That's what I thought. Hell with all those stigmas! I am here to eat and I pay, nothing embarassing, I said in mind.

Ordering french fries, fried chicken, and a glass of coke, I directly went into a table, just near the corner. While I browse through the whole restaurant, my prediction was true. Nobody came alone, except me..... Ah, crap! Let me just eat mine. This hunger within me unleashed giant beast already.

It came to me that another new guy came. Clean, neat, nerdy-look, along with a serious face. Y'know that kind of guy. He came alone and ordered the same menu. Went into the table in the very corner, he ate those alone. His face focused on the meal, ignoring all the degrading glance from everybody else. Yes, the attention of those attendants shifted from me to him.

At that split second, when I saw him, I saw myself. He is me, just like me. A lone nerd who enjoy himself. Ignoring what people said or thought. The most important thing, we did no wrong. That's it. Period. Nothing to be ashamed of, then.....

I smiled myself, a smile for my own. There was a slight of joy arose within me. I am not the only one standing against people's 'norm'.

So, whoever you are, Mr. Nerd-in-the-corner-of-McD-Jenderal-Sudirman-who-looked-confident-and-ignoring-those-stare-and-glance, just know that you are not alone. And I am not alone as well.

Jigoku Sensei

Again, I couldn't fulfill my resolution to write often in this blog. All the teaching preparations eat my time. I enjoyed them though. Teaching has been my passion for long. And this writing will be about teaching.

Jigoku Sensei is a Japanese anime about Nube. A special teacher with spiritual power. He loves his students so much that he would do anything to protect them. Most of the case, he dealt with demon and ghost.

I won't say that I possess similar power. Nope! But several weird cases happened to me. The most recent one happened just a while ago.

It was the last class, 6 PM. Something happened, so I had to move to another class. A small one, in the corner of the hallway. I kinda like the classroom though. Sometimes, if I got a break, I went to the room and going online there. Especially because it is located near the router. Quite cozy in the noon. The chair was comfortable, semi-sofa. And only eight of them was there.

For that class, I only have 3 students. The other three has resigned. A perfect condition, eh? You have a small classroom, small number of students, and space.. The material for that day was conversation. Voila!

Wrong! I have a full class! All the chairs are full. Other "things" were there. Nope, don't imagine scary things. They looked very normal, just like your ordinary students. They joined the class, and really study. I don't even fill the chill. However, outside the classroom, I sensed many of them want to join the class. They peeked from the window. There's no way I could let them in. No more place for them.

Jiah! When the class is over, those "people" smiled at me and vanished into thin air. They looked happy. Later on, I found out that some of my friends who taught in that class was often "disturbed". They were always freaked out.

Wew, reflecting on my previous experience, they just want to study. The more open we are to them, the more peaceful they will be. And out of the people, why did they choose me??

PS : This was the fourth time for me to teach "these people". Am I too passionate in teaching that they choose me to be their teacher?

Silly Act......

Darn, I leave my blog for more than a month... So much to do, so little time. That's my I didn't update this blog of mine for long. (Owh, that's a lame excuse! Get your ass back to the computer and start writing!!!)

Oh-kay, let's start the story. Few weeks earlier, I received a phone call from my ex-Study Program. They asked me to be a part-time lecturer there, since they lacked of lecturer. Some of them are going abroad to pursue the doctoral degree. To be honest, I was so surprised and excited that I felt like jumping around the house.

And some times later, I went to the common room complete with the formal clothes. Shirt, tailored pants (Ugh, how I hate this one! If only I could, I would teach wearing blue jeans!!!!), and cats shoes (yes, this one, I cheated!). People started staring at me with wonder. I didn't need to be a telepath to read their mind. "Aw, that senior of mine finally made it into a lecturership!" Huahahahahahahaha!

I spent my time trying to mingle with other lecturers in the common room. Acted very busy in front of my beloved BenQ, and finishing the snack there! Finished with everything there, I bade farewell to everybody.

Then I saw her in front of common room, my old friend who happened to have her birthday few days before. I got excited and ran to her. She saw me and smiled. But then it happened! The slippery floor combined with my slippery shoes brought me out of control. My coordination system failed me!!!

And BOOOOM! I fell down with an embarrassing pose. So very cartoonish! Ouch, I looked around and fortunately, only senior students were there. If only my students were there, how would they react?? Darn!!!! For the first time in a long time, I am feeling the embarrassment! Yuck!!!!