Sometimes (errr, actually averytime) life is so fucking unfair. And the last example was the IELSP programme. Well, I did apply for it, together with some of my friends. The thing was, some of them were suddenly spiritless to join this programme. And I was the one encouraging her to keep joining. I even helped her to finish the administration thingy, like asking for a stamp and such. Or should I say, I did most of the things she needed to do. Picking her, lending her my application form, sending her message, etc.

Now, the announcement day came. I was so nervous and obsessed (which I regard as the sign of my failure. It always like this. When I became obsessed, it means that I won’t get it). Well, my prediction is true. I didn’t get the scolarship. But surprisingly, she got it. I’m so damn jealous! Really! It was me encouraging her! I kept thinking, what will happen should I not encourage her. Probably my chance. But on the other hand, she is my best friend. I couldn’t help not to feel the joy she feels.

Funny! I’m so sad, and try to hold my tears for long, and suddenly bursted it in my own lonely room. Yeah, I cried and asked GOD, what did I do to deserve this? I shouted at HIM, asking HIM, of giving me this fucking life. But as usual, nothing came directly.

But GOD is indeed there. He gave me a very good sleep. Tight one. When I woke up this morning, I realized, it was my part to do the encouraging. What I did was not useless. Probably, things won’t be mine this time, but it shall. One day........... I have my own part. I have my role to fulfill, and HE knows what is good for me. It is HIS plan, not ours.

So, what is the conclusion? Well, I’m still bit jealous (normal, eh?). But I believe, I am meant for something else. Later. GOD knows what is good for me. Fo Riri, Ganbatte, nee-chan!