On Graduation

I was never a true believer in graduation ceremony. You can ask my friends back in Indonesia and they will happily confirm that. Some people already threw their curses at me for skipping my undergraduate graduation ceremony. Formality was the key word for my reason of not attending that. The diploma and transcript are enough. No need for me to stand under the scorching sun with black toga. After all, what I would get are just the handshake and moving the small rope of my hat. Sigh, I don’t really care that I know not of its name.

But thing changed with my Master graduation. Just before my departure to England, I carried with myself the same thought, same plan of not attending the graduation. However, as time goes by, the graduation became important topic. One friend even told me not to skip that. Cambridge graduation is different from any other graduation ceremony, he said. Skipping that ceremony will mean missing something big in your life.

Driven by my curiosity, I registered myself for the ceremony. Yes, I had to fly back to England from Indonesia for that. Some people said that it was in vain, for graduation ceremony is not that important to sacrifice that much time and money. It was not worth investing in that. However, as I can be really stubborn sometimes, the air tickets were in my hand already.

When the time came, I was so nervous. Dressing up in my finest suit (which is actually my only suit), my Oxfam-bought wing-clap, and rented white band and bow tie, I walked along the main street in Cambridge to Eddies. Donning my gown in front of the college, a butterfly started fluttering within my stomach. This is the end of my Cambridge tenure, I thought. My being nervous was spiced up by the overpriced lunch and lack of port. Dang! If there was a glass of port, things would have been better, at least for my nerves.

Lunch, done! Rehearsal, done! The moment finally came for me and the other graduands to march down to Senate House in our full Cambridge grandeur, the gown. For the first time in my life, I became a tourist attraction. Yet, I could not be bothered to think about that. Reaching senate house, my mind was raced faster, thanks to the clothing checking. What if my clothes were inappropriate? What if I was asked to go out of the senate house? What if?

Fortunately, everything went well. I walked down the senate house with three other graduands from my college. The praelector introduced us to the Vice-Chancellor of the University in Latin. We had to grab his fingers, one graduand each. After that, we had to wait until our names were called. What was actually in minutes felt like centuries.

“Chrysogonus Malilang!”

I walked down and knelt down in front of the vice chancellor. What I thought would be my final moment as the member of the university turned to be very touching. Our eyes were met. I had to look up to him and the vice chancellor looked me in the eyes. With the meeting of our gazes, he held my hand and welcomed me as the member of the university for life in Latin. In the end, he blessed me with the sign of cross. Sigh, it was the moment when I tried so hard to fight my tears back. (Dang, even as I wrote this piece, my eyes got teary by remembering the moment!) During that second, the enlightenment came to me. Under the old ceremony (they said that the rites haven’t been changed since 1300’s), I was inaugurated as the lifetime member of it. It becomes my home. I know that I can come back there anytime and still feel welcomed. In my worst time, the thought of my home in Cambridge will always encourage me to keep walking the path.

And the investment of time and money are not in vain.

Kuburkan Aku

Kubur aku dengan sederhana
tanpa perlu taburan bunga.
Tancapkan saja sebatang mawar
tak perlu merah, tak perlu jingga
hanya mawar apa adanya.

Biarkan ibu bumi memelukku
dengan hangat tanah dan pasir yang menderu

Karena kehangatan datang dari bumi
dari tanah yang mendekap erat jasadku
dari tanah yang melahirkan manusia

Bukan dari rontokan bunga
sisa jasad dari tumbuhan
yang walau wangi, tetapi mati.

Tanamkan saja sebatang pohon
sebagai nisan dan pertanda atasku
dan angin akan bernyanyi atasku
melalui dedaunan yang berdesir ditimpa sinar mentari.

Cambridge: On Research

I almost gave up researching!

Shocking, eh? But it was true. My coming back to the old job had convinced me that my newly acquired knowledge was a complete piece of junk. There was really no place nor opportunity for me to develop what I got from Cambridge, the top university in the world. True, my degree left people in awe and brought them to conclusion that I would be successful in any professional path I am taking. But their conclusion is theoretical.

My decision to come back was based on the opportunity to develop the knowledge I got through the local context. Yet, some people just did not respect my field. They put me into something completely unrelated to my background knowledge. Ironically, the positionS for something I am fit in are still vacant. Instead of being given a space and time to improve, I was put into an experiment. Sigh!

The fact that I was only half a human I was added by the work stress has brought me down. I lost all my interests in ANYTHING! Furthermore, being trapped in the stinking job has left me feeling like a trash trapped in the middle of nowhere.
Fortunately, being back into a Cantabrigian embrace has helped me raising back my morale. The people I met there brought me back into confidence, that I worth more than what I thought I was. They gave me courage to find a breakthrough, convinced me that I deserve something better than what I have now.

Sophia, my former classmate, has really opened my eyes on the wide opportunity for the research. It was her who talked me back into research world, telling me that I can have the back up from the international scholars. She told me that my world does not revolve around my small entrapment now. My eyes were opened that there are more places in the world for me to explore. The enthusiasm of my professor when I came to visit her in the next morning also convinced me, that I will always have them to help.

On my visit to The Bird, I met another acquaintance. Surprisingly, he is willing to help me finding some international job. What a support, eh? I never thought that a help will come in a bar, a leisure place. Over a pint of beer, I really have to say, GOD BLESS STELLA!! The other friends there also supported me, asking me to break free from my own prison. One even offered to send me the new guide for CV and cover letter.

As I went to London, Phuong was even willing to help me with the proposal for my Ph.D application. It is quite ironic, eh? When people from your home base treated you without any respect or support, you found other people outside your home giving you their support. Yes, with the backing up from them, even the ones who keep hoping for me to come back, I will make my dream come true.

First step now, coming back to the research. To hell with all the stressful workload! I should revise my children’s literature. Revise, research, and publishing!!!!