Memento from the Public Lecture

When I went to the public lecture by Prof. Chua Beng Huat, I expected to find a great deal of information about Cultural Studies. The Cultural Studies for Dummies. A very impossible expectation, really, for almost all attendants in the public lecture were experts. At least, they know and have studied more about Cultural Studies than me.

The notion that Prof. Beng Huat delivered to us was challenging though. He challenged us to conduct a research of Cultural Studies in Asia by giving some researchable topics. Mostly the topics he presented took root in the popular culture.

One of the discourses that got my attention was the discussion of Indonesian sinetron. We cannot deny the fact that Indonesian sinetron rules the film marketing in South East Asia, at least in the Malay speaking countries, which include Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia, Southern Philippine, Southern Thailand, and Southern Vietnam. In this point, nothing can topple its domination yet.
The basic reason of the domination, Prof. Beng Huat explained, was the fact that most people wanted to see someone different from themselves. They are tired with themselves, and thus also despise seeing their own reflection as a leisure time entertainment. For example, Singaporean are tired seeing fellow Singaporean with a familiar problem and presentation in their TV Screens. Same thing happen to other countries. They wanted to see something “alien”. By seeing “alien”, they will not be able to identify themselves to the characters they are watching. When the characters do stupid things, they will be able to justify that it is done not by their fellow citizen, but by the neighboring countrymen. When the characters do something amazing, they also keep the distances, and thus providing dreaming space to the audience.

Listening to his explanation, it raised a big question mark within my mind. The same phenomenon also happen in Indonesia as well. Does this mean that the characters in our sinetron actually do not portray Indonesian? Does it mean that sinetron occupies a domain of itself? Excluded from the real cultural boundary existed in reality? Since most of our people also watch sinetron so that they are allowed to dream of experiencing the glamorous lifestyle being portrayed in the program?
The next big question that popped up in my mind was, does this mean that we are experiencing some kind of cultural identity crisis? That we need to represent ourselves in something that is not us?

On one hand, this phenomenon is nice, in terms that at least in one thing, Indonesia can prove its rule and dominance. On the other hand, this is terrible, the identity crisis is terrible. This could mean two things. First, it might be the beginning of a bigger crisis. Second, it might be the climax of identity crisis problem of our nation, which will give us a new direction to go.

Which one is which, it is up to us to decide. I would certainly vote and hope for the second one.

My Unborn Child

When I sat quietly in my room, your image came across my mind. And slowly but sure, my tears rolled on my cheek. The palpitating bosom came upon me, and I couldn't breathe for a moment.

I remember every moment that I spent with you and your mother. I reminisce the time when we decided to pick a name for you, right after we found out that you are a boy. Your mum insisted give you a western name, while I really wanted to name you Seto. Yea, Seto, after the main character of Burung-Burung Manyar by Mangunwijaya. He stroke my soul the first time I read the book. A very strong character who believed in himself. Ready to face the consequences of every path he took, even brave enough to admit his mistake when he knew that he is wrong. And at the end, he remained unmarried and took care of his lover's boy.

Herbumi, your last name came from two Javanese words, Her and Bumi. Her means water, and bumi means earth. The combination of those two elements will create and nurture life itself. From the womb of mother earth, the seed will find the warmth and grow into life. However, without the water, any seed will not be able to grow bigger. This is where her takes part.

Those philosophies formed your complete name. Alexander Setadewa Herbumi.

Your mother and I talked about you the whole time. We were really expecting you, full of love. We planned everything, everything. Our friends knew all about you, pouring their hearts to you. Supporting me and your mom.

I sacrificed my time to take care of you, considering my busy schedule back then. I was still in my sixth semester, got so many classes and assignments. Teachings, projects, as well as having my SPD classes. But I didn't feel tired at all. I did them all for you, for my son.

I already imagined how will I spend my life with you, how will I play together with you, teach you how to be a real man, have a conversation about man's problem. I might not be perfect, but I will try to be the best dad you ever met.

But God's plan is not our plan. We arrived into that fateful moment, and POOF! All of our dreams faded away in an instant. You were gone. I might still be young and restless back then, but I do care about you. People might say that my problem was over with your departure from our life.

Ah, what do they know? It was one of the biggest loss in my life. My child, my son! And at the same time I lost you, I lost your mom as well. We were drifted apart by the loss, the tears created a great rift between us.

Well, who am I lamenting here? But I couldn't help but recalling you. Chanting your name in every second of my prayer. Revisiting you in my every dream each night. What I can do right now is only praying for you, realizing that even though you are gone from this material world, you will not forget your parents. I believe with my own heart, that you will watch over us. And you went first to prepare special place for us, and that one day we will be together again. In eternity.....

Bye, Seto.....

Nostalgic Moment

It was in the Interpreting class, and I decided to open the class by playing an Indonesian song. What my students had to do was interpreting the Indonesian lyric into English lyric. And the song was “Sekitar Kita” by Krakatau. A quite old song, dated back to 1997. Wew, it was 13 years ago. Actually the real reason of choosing the song was because it is not a mellow love song, and it is full of social message.

When I played the song, my mind returned back to elementary school. The song hypnotized me, arousing many memories of my childhood. It is a jingle for my small group of friends back then. No, even when we gather, sometimes we still sang the song.

I remembered when we still donned the red and white uniform, thinking nothing other than study and play. The moment when innocence was still in the air. All we know were friends and foe, black and white.

A small group with the name that is not changed up to now, which FYI a bit embarrassing right now, The Greatest Kids. Hehehe! But we are no longer kiddos, we’re grown up. One of us suggested that we keep the name, since we have to maintain the “kiddos” side within ourselves, to balance the suffering of the world with the cheerfulness.

Acted like a group of superheroes, we decided to create a code name for each of us. Silly idea, but we worked that out. In fact, we still remember those names we created from parodizing the name of famous figures. I assume the identity of Michelangelo Bakarroti (a parody of Michelangelo Bounaroutti) myself. Caessar, the first ranker of the class, took the coat of Chriskapurbarus Colombus (taken from the founder of Puerto Rico). Cing-cing, the tough girl as well as warrior princess wannabe, went with the code Ledeng Van Betetman (this one is a bit tough, Ludwig Van Beethoven). The princess of the class, Agita, was given the honorary title of Marie Mencuri (taken from Marie Curie). The most feminine girl among us, Liana, inherited the name of Hellen Kolor.

Ah, the memories! But the song was ended, and I had to reassume my role as the lecturer in the class. My memories faded. I was dragged back into reality. The song still lingered In mind, though.

Slama dunia masih berputar,
Perbedaan tak pernah pudar,
Terbawa keangkuhan manusia
Tak ingin membagi rasa…….

Silly Complaint

I happen to stumble on a ridiculously hilarious comment in readers' letter at KOMPAS. It was about the movie Inglerious Basterds. Yeah, the one with the Brad Pitt.

The lady who wrote that (and again, it is always lady who wrote those silly complaints!) emphasized on the children. Yep! She went to the movie theatre and saw that some parents brought their children to watch the movie. The movie itself, turned out to be vulgar and violent. Well, it is a movie about WW II, for God sake!

To make things worse, this lady claimed that it was the responsibility of the censor board to make the movie suitable for all audience. Ummm, knock knock! Have you heard about film rating? PG-13? 17+? M?

I agree that those violence should not be watched by the children. But it is completely the responsibility of the parents, not the responsibility of the censor board! @(*#^@*#&*&#(%#%#%$% What were you thinking, lady? Putting all the blame into the government and leave the stupid parents innocent? The parents should know that it is not a film for children, and thus they should leave the children. However, they should also give extra guidance to the children.

Imagine if the censor board cut all the violent and vulgar scenes.. It will be like watching porn without all the sexual acts. Hehehehehehe!

Dear Past

Dear past,

How are you? I hope you found your home already, no longer staying at my own room. I already got so many baggage here, and yours cannot possibly fit here. It was a hard goodbye several months ago. It was kinda sad to see you leave this small room o'mine. We've been together for 11 years, and you've been the one accompanied me during my state of solitude, just when I needed someone to resort to. You kept giving me this ray of hope, which later I found out to be nothing more than a mere illusion. But I still have to acknowledge for our time together.

No, we had no quarrel. I still remember the separation, when I decided that I need to go out of this small chamber within my head. That I need to free myself from my addiction to you. You gave me euphoria, pleasure, and delirium. But I couldn't have them all, only in my head. They were and never real. And we decided to live our own life separately.

However, recently two of my best friends came and said something about you. They reminded me of you, of that old story, of that 11-year-of-togetherness. Both of them posted something in the facebook and dedicated those writings to me. Reading those, I couldn't help but reminisce about you.
Interestingly, both posts are related to angel, the fallen angel and the wingless one. Ah, it brought back memories, memories of the most beautiful angel ever. The one that seized my heart back then. Well, one friend of mine once said that man can only "fall in love" once in his life. If that's true, I think I already spent that chance. Ah, I think you know this story. We used to talk about this thing for the whole night long. A beautiful tale of sincerity, of loving and letting go, of being overshadowed and useless await.

Ah, I think I unearthed those sweet stories already. Too sweet that it aches. It came back from the ghost of the remembrance into a silhouette of the mind. But ever since you left, I was able to see through the things clearly. She might be my angel, but she is not the only angel in this world. Probably my first angel, the fallen and wingless one, but I don't think she would be my last.

Well, I think I mumbled too much. I just hope for your safety, wherever you are. Don't worry, even though we don't live under the same roof again, I will still pay you a visit once or twice. We've been friends, haven't we? Why should I erase my memories of you?

Just be good in your new place, dear. Please, take care of my strong but innocent wingless fallen angel.

Regards,

Chrysogonus Siddha Malilang

Teaching and Orgasm

Darn, it's been a long time since I touch this blog of mine. All the teaching, classes, and corrections had successfully made me away. Not even a time to enjoy myself completely. But I DID manage to sneak time to play with my Nintendo DS and Megaten.... What a perfect lecturer I am... Hwahahahahahahaha... Good God, playing game during a break in the common room? THAT'S MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

But anyway, strange thing that I found, I don't really feel exhausted doing all the teaching thingies. Tired? Of course, physically. But to be honest, I felt this mental satisfaction. It doesn't feel like I'm working, but I am playing a game instead. I enjoy every moment standing in front of the class, every time I joked around, every time I stare at my students' face.

I think you can say that I am fortunate enough, I work in the place that I like best. For example, other people might bitched around if they got to teach 5 classes in a day, from 7 in the morning to 8 at nite. And three out of five classes were 6 hours in a row. From 2 to 8... Breaking time.... At first, I thought that I couldn't make it. But turned out, I ENJOOOY IT!!!!

Writing class, seeing those smiling faces when I said I gave them 6 hours for the test. Reading class, all the new and spirited faces, along with some cute and young faces (Bwahahahahaha, teteup!!!). Pronunciation class, which turned out to be very fuuuun.. As well as two intermediate classes... With some cute faces and curves (Wkwkwkwkwk, I know it might sound so vulgar..... Peace!!!)

I don't know why, but teaching gave me a mental orgasm....

So dear blog readers (like I have any?????), till next time, when my teaching orgasm subside.... CIAOOOOO!!!!!!

A Lone Nerd

It was a hot noon, and my stomach growled already. The first of the month, so my paycheck was in hand. I decided to have my lunch at McDonald. It has been years since I went to that junkie-fast-food restaurant. I was just curious on how it tasted. This tongue of mine has already forgot it.

And so I went there all alone. As usual, dwelling in my own solitude. People might stare at me, a single guy entering McD without any friend. Well, I get used to it already, with all those staring and mocking glance. True, at that time I was the only one who came alone. No friend, no girlfriend. Meanwhile, everybody else was coming with at least one company.

Hell! That's what I thought. Hell with all those stigmas! I am here to eat and I pay, nothing embarassing, I said in mind.

Ordering french fries, fried chicken, and a glass of coke, I directly went into a table, just near the corner. While I browse through the whole restaurant, my prediction was true. Nobody came alone, except me..... Ah, crap! Let me just eat mine. This hunger within me unleashed giant beast already.

It came to me that another new guy came. Clean, neat, nerdy-look, along with a serious face. Y'know that kind of guy. He came alone and ordered the same menu. Went into the table in the very corner, he ate those alone. His face focused on the meal, ignoring all the degrading glance from everybody else. Yes, the attention of those attendants shifted from me to him.

At that split second, when I saw him, I saw myself. He is me, just like me. A lone nerd who enjoy himself. Ignoring what people said or thought. The most important thing, we did no wrong. That's it. Period. Nothing to be ashamed of, then.....

I smiled myself, a smile for my own. There was a slight of joy arose within me. I am not the only one standing against people's 'norm'.

So, whoever you are, Mr. Nerd-in-the-corner-of-McD-Jenderal-Sudirman-who-looked-confident-and-ignoring-those-stare-and-glance, just know that you are not alone. And I am not alone as well.

Jigoku Sensei

Again, I couldn't fulfill my resolution to write often in this blog. All the teaching preparations eat my time. I enjoyed them though. Teaching has been my passion for long. And this writing will be about teaching.

Jigoku Sensei is a Japanese anime about Nube. A special teacher with spiritual power. He loves his students so much that he would do anything to protect them. Most of the case, he dealt with demon and ghost.

I won't say that I possess similar power. Nope! But several weird cases happened to me. The most recent one happened just a while ago.

It was the last class, 6 PM. Something happened, so I had to move to another class. A small one, in the corner of the hallway. I kinda like the classroom though. Sometimes, if I got a break, I went to the room and going online there. Especially because it is located near the router. Quite cozy in the noon. The chair was comfortable, semi-sofa. And only eight of them was there.

For that class, I only have 3 students. The other three has resigned. A perfect condition, eh? You have a small classroom, small number of students, and space.. The material for that day was conversation. Voila!

Wrong! I have a full class! All the chairs are full. Other "things" were there. Nope, don't imagine scary things. They looked very normal, just like your ordinary students. They joined the class, and really study. I don't even fill the chill. However, outside the classroom, I sensed many of them want to join the class. They peeked from the window. There's no way I could let them in. No more place for them.

Jiah! When the class is over, those "people" smiled at me and vanished into thin air. They looked happy. Later on, I found out that some of my friends who taught in that class was often "disturbed". They were always freaked out.

Wew, reflecting on my previous experience, they just want to study. The more open we are to them, the more peaceful they will be. And out of the people, why did they choose me??

PS : This was the fourth time for me to teach "these people". Am I too passionate in teaching that they choose me to be their teacher?

Silly Act......

Darn, I leave my blog for more than a month... So much to do, so little time. That's my I didn't update this blog of mine for long. (Owh, that's a lame excuse! Get your ass back to the computer and start writing!!!)

Oh-kay, let's start the story. Few weeks earlier, I received a phone call from my ex-Study Program. They asked me to be a part-time lecturer there, since they lacked of lecturer. Some of them are going abroad to pursue the doctoral degree. To be honest, I was so surprised and excited that I felt like jumping around the house.

And some times later, I went to the common room complete with the formal clothes. Shirt, tailored pants (Ugh, how I hate this one! If only I could, I would teach wearing blue jeans!!!!), and cats shoes (yes, this one, I cheated!). People started staring at me with wonder. I didn't need to be a telepath to read their mind. "Aw, that senior of mine finally made it into a lecturership!" Huahahahahahahaha!

I spent my time trying to mingle with other lecturers in the common room. Acted very busy in front of my beloved BenQ, and finishing the snack there! Finished with everything there, I bade farewell to everybody.

Then I saw her in front of common room, my old friend who happened to have her birthday few days before. I got excited and ran to her. She saw me and smiled. But then it happened! The slippery floor combined with my slippery shoes brought me out of control. My coordination system failed me!!!

And BOOOOM! I fell down with an embarrassing pose. So very cartoonish! Ouch, I looked around and fortunately, only senior students were there. If only my students were there, how would they react?? Darn!!!! For the first time in a long time, I am feeling the embarrassment! Yuck!!!!

Jakarta Ranting #4 : The Forgotten Moon

Yes, as much as I hate Jakarta, I decided to go to the accursed city for my holiday last week. Purely for holiday, without any other businesses to take care. My dear friends invited me to relieve my stress there, and they promised to bring me all the fun. Well, since I had nothing else to do, why not accepting their offer?

I already prepared myself for the rate difference and the hot weather. No longer I wore my jacket everywhere I went, no longer I placed rate limitation in my account. Everything went out okay. I had so much fun, thanks to those crazy friends of mine there. I finally felt how weekend in capital city was. And the weather was still as hot as ever.

Continuing my trip to Bandung, I was greeted with colder weather. Cooler than it usually is, even friends there admitted that. The freezing breeze and temperature brought my body to its worst condition, especially after being exposed to the ever hot Jakarta. I didn't enjoy Bandung for my high fever then.

When I got back to Yogya, I just realized that the cold weather everywhere was due to the full moon. Usually I paid attention to that, and thus being able to anticipate the changing weather. And FYI, it's not related to mystical mumbo jumbo. It is a common knowledge that when the moon reached the peak of its cycle, the full moon, the temperature will drop. The bigger the full moon, the more it drops.

I was swayed by the atmosphere of metropolis city of Jakarta. Blinded by the lamp lights made by human being. It is a city with million lamplights, trying to rule out the night and rival those natural glimpse of stars and moon. The skyscrapers every here and there jutted high, covering every possible corner to gaze at the night sky.

And in that beautiful modern city, the space of nature and observation towards it has been radically eradicated. Cast aside by the name of modernity, industry, and business. Even the old tradition of observing the cycle of the moon to determine the weather and breeze becomes stranger by default.

Thanks to my fever, I finally re-noticed the cycle of the moon once again. And this full moon is so beautiful. Big and bright, yet cold and soothing, touching our deepest flow of vein with chill. But under the influence of frost, we have the chance to re-ignite the flame of ourselves, re-appreciate the warmth from a cup of tea, and good night rest. That's why I still don't want to leave this city, since I still want to have the bond with nature around me. Ah, fool me.....

Carnot System and Life

I was tempted to write upon the stability of life by the comment in two posts before this by Yellowtofu. He stated that we can make an analogy of perfection and balance in the Carnot system. Hmm, I was never a good student in the senior high. To be honest, I cheated in my National Final Exam, including Physics. But, I happen to know about Carnot system.

Carnot system is the ideal machine, in which the output is totally equal with the input. Very efficient machine, eh? (Please correct me if I’m wrong, but this was written in my piece of cheating paper during National Final Exam! Hehehehe!)
Yellowtofu made analogy that actually the stability itself would equal to death. Because everything is stable and harmonic. And to think further, when everything is balanced and in order, what should we do then?

Perfect stability and harmony is only existed in utopia. Just like Carnot system is only utopic design. And I can imagine that in utopia, everything is perfect. There is this balance of love and hate, of black and white, of good and evil. Everything is in harmony. But then, life would be so dull. We will have nothing to do, even no chance to do anything. STOPPED. No challenge, no threat, and that would mean no opportunity to develop ourselves and explore new things.

What would it mean for human to stop developing? DEATH.

This makes a strong revelation, that actually there is a beauty in an imperfection. That friction would lead us to a full life. That the imperfection would lead us to the dream of perfection. And life itself is one big IMPERFECTION.

The struggling to reach the stability is what makes us alive. The journey to shed away our imperfection to achieve perfection is the real essence of life. The voyage for us to keep being better over time is what breathes us spirit. And we will embrace our final destination in death.

Dream Journal 4 : An Empty Train

I wanted to go to Bandung by train, so I went to the train station. It was very crowded at the time, many people are waiting for their train. And suddenly I heard the announcement that the train to Bandung will soon depart. Quickly I moved to the train and went into it. There were nobody there, saved me and 4 young girls.

The five of us walked together, trying to find the comfortable seat for us. Contrary to the crowd outside, I found nobody in the train. It was empty, totally empty. Everything is broken, like the train had not been used for years. We felt totally strange there. We kept going to the last compartment, and finally found a girl sitting there.

She asked us, "You want to go to Bandung?"

We nodded. The girls started to find the seat in that compartment. I was still curious at that time, "Where is everybody, miss?"

She stared at me and smiled. "It's very hard to explain. Let's just enjoy the journey!" She stood, and I could see that she was short. Her T-shirt is purple, and she had a nice pigtail behind her head. Her face seemed familiar, but I just cannot recall it.

"It will be twenty five thousand rupiah per person," said her. We handed her the money, and she said again, "Thank you. We will soon depart! Enjoy it!" At the same time, the train started moving.

The young girls started having conversation among them, while the short girl sat comfortably in her seat. I was driven by my curiosity. "Will you excuse me for a while? I want to see the whole train!"

They looked at me for an instance and just nodded. I went out from the compartment and started walked along the train. Nobody there, so I decided to went back to my place. But on my way back, I saw a man with red checkers shirt. He had thick beard and short curly hair. He stood in front of glued newspaper, as if he was trying to read all the articles. Yes, another person! I screamed in my mind enthusiastically.

I approached him, but when I reached his spot, he was no longer there. I saw him in another compartment instead with another guy that I didn't see previously. My body shivered. I looked at the newspaper, and the date was March 25, 1987. DAMN!!!

I rushed back to my compartment. There, I approached the short girl and asked her, "Tell me, is this a ghost train?"

She looked at us with a sad look. "We don't mean to deceive you, sir! But yes, this is a ghost train!"

I got shocked. The young girls in that compartment were also got shocked. "That's why there were nobody here. But, how do you manage to find out that, sir?" they asked me.

"I found a newspaper dated back from 1987. There is no way someone would save newspaper that old!"

One of the girls gasped. "Yes, there's no way newspaper from 10 years ago was here. It is 1997, isn't it?"

This time, I became more and more pale. I just realized that the girls were also ghost. They came from 1997....

The short girl looked at me grimly and said, "Sir, if you feel deceived, we can return your money and you can stop in the next station. Next one will be Rembang!"

"Yes, please! I want to stop at the next station!"

The train stopped, and I quickly jumped off the train. It was really a big station. So crowded, but everyone is gray. Damn! The train has gone off without me, and I couldn't see it anymore. As if it vanished into thin air. But the song they played in the train is still echoed, even after I woke up. It was the song "Mengenangmu" by Kerispatih, but only the last part.... "Di keabadian!" (note : In eternity....)

DAMN!!!!!

Love and Hate

Just recently, I remember the excerpt from Chrono Cross opening movie. It says,

"We loved so many, yet hated so much
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves,
yet even then,
we ran like the wind,
under the cerulean sky"

Well, it says something. It reminded me of the equilibrium between light and shadow. There will always be a shadow when light presents. The two are always co-exist. One completes the other, and without one there will be no other.

Thus, in one's life, we cannot make every people love us for the way we are. There are always those who hated us, no matter how good we are doing things. There is no way we could avoid people's hatred upon us. However, this could also be applied towards ourselves. No matter how good we are, there must be some people that we hate.

It is just like the principle of yin and yang from the ancient china, in which we cannot have all white or all black. We love and we hate, it's an inevitable fact.

However, the next thing would also be interesting. Remember the saying, "We reap what we sow"? When we hate people and tried to hurt them, indirectly we are hurting ourselves. We hurt others and were hurt ourselves. There is no way to avoid the pain. Even the old javanese saying said, "When you are pointing mistake of others, your three fingers are pointing at yourself!"

People are actually mirror of ourselves. When we hurt them, we hurt our reflection. And when you attack mirror, things will just bounce back to yourself. When we hit on someone, we actually wanted to shatter ourselves down. That is why, hurting and being hurt are actually one hell of a circle.

However, it is the circle of life. No matter what we do, we cannot have just one side. As long as there is love, there will be hate. As long as we hurt others, we cannot escape from the pain. But we still need to progress through the life, keep running, for we will find the cerulean sky above us.

PS : It gives me an urge to elaborate this writing even further. Probably will do a continuation of this later on!

Success is Ne'er Counted Sweetest

Success is counted sweetest

By those who ne’er succeed
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need

Not one of all the purple host
Who took the flag today
Can tell the definition
So clear, of victory

As he, defeated, dying,
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Break, agonized and clear

I always adore Emily Dickinson’s poems for their subtle tone of sorrow and irony. The poems are able to deliver dark atmosphere as something romantic. Call me stupid, but for me, she is in the same level with Edgar Allan Poe in the ability of creating a beauty out of somber and dark theme. Death, sorrow, agony, and regret.

This is one of the poems that Dickinson wrote to ilustrate that the winner will never know the taste and glory of winning without tasting the lost. You have to taste something bitter to be able to appreciate the sweetness. If one is spoilt in the whole sweetness all the time, one will never be know how precious that is. Just like she said in the third and fourth line, to comprehend a nectar requires sorest need.

When one is marinated by the bitter and sorrow, one will be able to appreciate and keep the sweet that one has. No matter how small is it, no matter how insignificant it is. The sweetness and victory will be the ultimate prize, for one has been dreaming over it, no matter how trivial it is. And there will be a great struggle to maintain and keep the treasure. After going through all the blood and wound, the person who reaches the dream after so many failures will see it as something worth to fight. As something as precious as one’s own life.

One example, a very cliché one, came from the field of romance. Let’s just say that when someone who kept being rejected and having the heart broken will always try to keep the feeling of his or her lover. One will try to keep the relationship, since one knows that it is precious. After all the pain and wound that one has gone through, one will fight to the last blood to keep the happiness. But when someone never felt the rejection and is always placed and seen as the centre of the world, the idol, then one would never know how to appreciate the relationship. This person might think that it is okay to break people’s heart, for there are so many people wanting him / her. Then, there will be no effort to maintain the relationship.

Dear Someone

Dear someone,

Ever since I knew you, my life is never the same anymore. I never lay at rest ever since. Nightmares keep haunting me in the cold bleak and restless nights. I am constantly sweating and cold-feeted. My mind never ever have a resting break, not even a second.

One of my worst nightmares involves you. In which we met and kissed heartily, sharing everything that I hid behind this thick ice wall built years ago. The kiss was so hot that it melted the wall, allowing the flow of the repressed emotion. The worst part came when suddenly I awoke and found out that I am alone. On my side, only my pillows and bolsters, while I hope to find you laying beside me. The green clock on the table near my bed showed that it was only 2 o’ clock in the morning. You were still asleep. Meaning, I still had to wait for long before I could contact you, only to know how had you been, or even meeting you. To make things worse, I had to get back to sleep without you beside me, trying to force my eyes closed, rest alone.

Every message from you with the writing “Have a nice rest” triggered all those beautiful dreams which ended up in a very bad way.
Call me a masochist if you want, but one thing for sure, deep inside my heart, I don’t want to get away from this torture you caused me. There is a hidden beauty lies within this pain, there is a sparkling pearl covered up in this mud of desperation.

And I will just stay, because I know that everything will not be in vain.

Yogyakarta, May 9, 2009

Prayer and the Tears

I couldn't sleep, just rolling around my bed with my eyes closed. Trying to grasp some resting moments. But the image keeps reeling in my brain, just like newest movie teaser. Yes, literally a teaser, since it kept teasing me, disturbing my peaceful slumber.

Suddenly I heard a familiar melody, Chrono Trigger main theme. It was already 4.45 in the morning. The end of my bedtime. Damn! I slept from 10 at night, woke up at 4.45, but not even a sense of refreshness came.

I jumped out of my bed, and intuitively grabbed my rosary. Went up to the second floor, and saw that things are too bright. I decided to turn off the light, cleaned some spots in the floor, exactly in front of my small Pieta statue. Went down again to look for a lighter, and lighted up three candles in front of Pieta.

Why Pieta? Probably because I remembered when my friend told me, Pieta is the beginning and the ending of Jesus' life. He was born from Mary, and back to Mary in His death. The whole pain that Mary had to bear.

I made a sign of cross. No, I couldn't started my rosary prayer. Tears rolled in my cheeks. Damn! "God, I just don't know what to do. I tried to chant the rosary prayer, to look for empowerement, but it made me cried even more!"

I touched the small cross. "I believe in one God, the father, the almighty,......" Bead by bead in that section was touched by my fingers. It came to the beginning of the first ten Hail Mary.

I stopped. My tears bursted. Couldn't handle it any longer. "Good God, I know this pain is nothing compared to your passion to Calvary. But I needed a break, really. I have found a lover, someone who care for me. Yet, You still lay a path of stone for me! How long should I bear this wounded body?"

Tear by tear fell into the beads as I recite, "Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee....."

After finishing the first ten, I barely sobbed. I calmed down, my emotion was soothed. I started imagining that somebody supported me, like Mary supported Jesus. Continuing my second-ten-Hail Mary, I did them calmly. But on the tenth bead, I couldn't hold it any longer. I want Mother Mary, who support her son whatever path He chose. Bearing the pain of embarassement, but She hold that for her love to Christ.

It was just unlike somebody that I know, who can even throw knife at me many times. Those images kept reeling over my mind. The broomstick over my whole body, the duster over my back, all the bumps on head. I saw the flashback, complete with the voice of thrown plates, broken glass, and flying knives. The scar on my left cheek. Where she is supposed to be my Mother Mary.

I stopped my prayer again. "God, I need somebody to support me. I wanted somebody to walk hand in hand with me. I know you gave me that already, but we just cannot make it until the condition is clear! It will still a long way to go, not until I live my own life."

The next ten Hail Mary were decorated with constant sobbing and rolling tears. I grabbed the bead tighter, trying to put my mind at ease in the dark of the dusk. My mouth kept reciting the prayers, but my mind wandered around.

Where were you, dear lady, when the world turned against me? You didn't provide a shelter, yet you were in the side of the rest. Where were you when I tried so hard to stand firm over the attack? You were the hardest attacker. Just in time when I need a shoulder to cry on and trust, you threw me away with disgust. You threw me away from your home, and your re-acceptance was filled with suspicions.

I got home with bruises in my body, made by the children. You gave me that love, yet some moments later, you added more bruises. In my body, and in my heart. I came home, seeking a shelter, for I was exiled for being different, and you exiled me as well. For a whole week, I couldn't hear any word from you.

At that time, I was totally jealous with Jesus. He had Mary, as a worldly place to turn to. The one who stood before him in the time of passion. The one who stood before the cross. And the one who gave a silent cry while having His body over her knees.

Amen. Finished. "God, guide me through my journey by these beads. I know things are painful, but it might be for a greater sake. For my plan is not Your plan. But I cannot make it myself, just lend me Your power and please stay beside me. Let it happen to me according to Your wish, for I am your mere vessel!"

Teaching and Dating

Teaching and dating are surely two completely different things. For me as well. I love teaching, and it has been my passion since God knows when. But dating? Hohohoho, it was a thing I'm bad in, at least until several weeks ago.

But who would expect that those two could intertwine and interconnect one another?

In what sense?

Let's see, what I've been doing these several days.

Teaching (set induction) : Good morning, class! How are you? How was your weekend? Anybody remember what we've learned last week?

Dating : Hi, good afternoon. How are you? How was your Dutch class yesterday? What did you learn?

Teaching (asking question) : So, who knows the answer for this question? (silent first) X, (another short silent) what does "it" refer to in this passage?

Dating : Well, (silent) X, (another short silent), where are we going?

Teaching (set closure) :
Teacher : Okay, that's all for today. And I am going to see you guys next week.
Students : Okay, bye!

Dating :
Me : Okay, so that's all for today. And I am going to see you on... (silent, because I realized that it was my habit of closing the class!)
My date : Huh? Of course we will see each other again. Why do you still doubt it?
Me : Oops, sorry! (be thankful that the habit of closing class is not identified!)

OMIDOG! Because I love teaching that much, I bring my teaching habit to the date??????? Geeee..... So those classes on Microteaching, Language Teaching Methodology, and Language Teaching Strategy are really internalized into my very soul.

Happy Marriage and Personal Independence

Weeeew, it has been so long since I am updating this blog. I've been so busy lately that I found it hard for me to find time to even breathe. Well, that might be a bit hyperbolic, but it was close to the reality. My mind was occupied with the workload. Not to mention that I also found a resting place, which I hope could last forever. Huehehehehe! Hey, my time should come sooner or later! Twenty two years of solitude has been hard enough, let alone one hundred years of solitude (trademark of Gabriel Garcia Marquez).

I happened to stumble into a short article in the newest Gaya Hidup Sehat, the tabloid discussing anything related to the healthy life style. And this article happened to relate to the marriage and relationship. The myths of Marriage.

One of the myths of marriage that is proven wrong came in the point that a couple should do everything together forever. Yet, it was proven that a happy marriage doesn't mean that shallow. Even a healthy marriage would maintain the individuality of the couple. Without the freedom to preserve the independence and individuality, the relationship would turn unhealthy and poisonous.

Well, what should I say? This is so my point of view during all this time. I believe that even marriage would never ever be able to fuse two different beings into one happily unified being. There are senses of togetherness indeed, but it doesn't mean that we have to always be together all the time. We should have time also for ourselves.

This is the view that I've been holding towards relationship, let alone marriage. In a relationship that I've always been wanting, I don't want my spouse to occupy my whole time and life. I still need time for myself, to be self-absorbed sometimes. I might love my darling (yikess! Darling? For real??) wholeheartedly, with all my life, but I still need to be myself.

Probably I've been seeing some examples on this kind of relationship. A friend of mine who happened to be in a relationship with his love lost his freedom and independence. He is never able to enjoy time with his friends without his girlfriend. He turned dull, uninteresting, and boring. Everything is always ruled by his girlfriend, meaning losing the authority. Yikes! Sorry sorry baby (literal translation of Amit-amit jabang bayi!), I despise that kind of relationship, since I value personal independence more than anything. I am me, and I define myself.

Aura Kasih and The Myth of Beauty

I happened to stumble on To's status in facebook. He had this status polling, asking who likes Aura Kasih and who doesn't. Out of curiosity, I gave comment, answering that I never really like her. She is just too bitchy. Apparently, On gave also a comment on that topic. He said that every guy who doesn't like Aura Kasih, especially her sexy body, is not normal.

JLEB! Hey, hey, hey, there must be something wrong here. Or was it me who is abnormal? For me, the impression of being bitchy beat the sexiness out of her. I mean, yes she might be a sexy girl, for being able to be an artist. But she never stroke me in the eye, not even in heart.

Suddenly, I remembered the discussion in the night before with Gin about the myth of beauty. Yeah, the hegemony over how woman should be, about an ideal woman. And apparently, I can be seen as an outsider from the myth's perspective. And being an outsider, being different from the "common norm" will automatically place us as an exile. The Others, borrowing the term from Gayatri Spivak.

Consciously, or unconsciously, people nowadays has accepted the imported version of this myth. They developed some kinds of fetishes towards woman body. And an interesting fact that people seemed to forget came from one of the oldest civilization in earth, China Empire. They had Four Classical Beauties. One of them was Yang Guifeng. Interestingly, Yang Guifeng never possessed a slim and slender shape. She was a bit overweight and stocky instead. But hey, people considered her as the classical beauty.

So came again the classical motion for a debate, what is a beauty? The most neutral answer would be; it's a relative matter. But if it is relative, how could there be the common and uncommon? Normal and abnormal? How could it be that considering Aura Kasih sexy and admiring her is normal while not admiring her means you are not a normal guy?

I happened to admire some girls who are not considered sexy by many people, yet for me they are still okay. Contrary to most of the guys who like big bo***es, I like the small one, the cherry one, but not the "flat" one (got to admit that this might be an influence from my lineage though). In some other cases, even Mit said that And is not beautiful, thus she wondered why could I be crazy about And. Or what about Faj who considered Macy Gray hot, who considered Waris Diri as the sexiest model?

So, to the guys who do not think that Aura Kasih is beautiful, do not worry, pals. You are still as normal as a guy can be, since beauty is a relative thing. This proved one thing, especially to On, there is no normal or abnormal thing in beauty!

PS : Since this note has stirred some misleading opinions, let me emphasize here that Aura Kasih is just the illustration. What I want to discuss is not her, all the gossip, and being judgmental. The main point here is the social construct that has become a hegemony over perspective and thus eliminating the individual opinion. That's all.... Hell with the artist!

Bullied who becomes a teacher

Bullying is a common case happened here and there in the school environment. However, only recently does this phenomenon become a global concern. Well, forgive me if it has been discussed widespread since long time ago, but for me, bullying has been unearthed only this several years.

Well, most people said that bullying gave bad impact for the children. That's true! They mentioned many things to stop bullying, to prevent bullying from happening over and over again. Yet, everything is just stopped in their own mouth. Some said that the teachers should participate in eliminating bullying from school. Some teachers even said that they tried their best to get rid of bullying from the education field. N.A.T.O..... No Action, Talk Only! Yet, we cannot deny that there are some teachers trying to focus on their attention to the bully. Trying to stop them from bullying others.

Uh, I'm not saying that those actions are all wrong. But the problem is, they don't really know how the mechanism of bullying is. Nope, they placed themselves as a higher authority, thus trying to use the position to stop that. Ummm, that's not how it works, dude!

To be honest, I know only a little theory on bullying. But in my teaching activity, I'm always trying to pay more attention to the bullied and marginalized students. Well, departed from my own experience as a student, I know how does it feel to be alienated and bullied. Yes, I'm standing here as the ex-bullied. In fact, I've been bullied until my graduation from Junior High School.

When I started teaching, I recalled those feelings of being bullied, of being alienated just because I was different then (I'm still being different until now, though!). I decided not to let others feel the same way I felt. Fortunately (or unfortunately), the chance for practicing that came right under my nose. One of my students back then was a big bullied. Marginalized and alienated by many others, including most teachers. GAWK! That certainly was no good...... (Having no friend is still far more okay than being alienated by your teachers - or parents!)

I gave him chances to do things, trusted him, and approached him personally. It worked! He gained his confidence. At the same time, I tried to approach his friends, convinced them that disliking him is okay, but alienating and bullying are NOT OKAY.

Another memorable experience also came when I handled Matriculation program for Mimika students. Got to admit that they were hard to handle. One of them was VERY BAD in studying (ummmm, another word for ST***D!). Hated by most instructors, destabilizing the class, and never showed seriousness in learning. Most had given up on him. I started implementing the same strategy. Helping him personally, approached him, and gave him the chance to participate in the class. It worked, dude. For the first time, he bid me his thanks.

So, for the teachers out there who have never tasted the bitterness of being bullied, here's a quick suggestion for y'all. Help the bullied regaining their confidence, please. It means a lot for them, showing them that someone is still paying them attention, that they are not alone. In some cases, it will even give them strength to break free from the bullying. When one is hardly bullied, one will think that no one cares. So, show them that you care for them!

Do not know how to recognize bullied? Well, they are usually the one kept silent in the class and ignored most of the time.

Good luck, and if many teachers do this, we can eliminate bullying together!!!!

My Eulogy for SEDC (I'm Really Leaving)

Last Saturday (28/02), I went to a farewell lunch together with my fellow juniors in SEDC. Well, actually they were my trainees, since I was the trainer of SEDC. However, we've grown closer, that no distance was among us.

That was really a farewell lunch, for that day was my last meeting before I officially resigned from SMA 2. Well, it might be a weird decision, resigning before the academic year ended. But a new teacher who really wanted to be a hero had annoyed the hell out of me. She even asked me to resign as soon as possible. So, why shouldn't I? In fact, she's one hell of impolite teacher. Shouted in the common room like a person from the jungle.

Hearing my decision to resign, most of the juniors regretted that. They said that they would lose not only a trainer, but also a brother. Some teachers indeed cried. Well, I couldn't help but feeling sad too deep within me.

I realized, my teaching there for almost five years has formed my way of teaching until now. I approached them not only as a trainer, but also as a brother. As a friend. That way, I could win their trust over me. And yea, sometimes they shared their problem with me. I really enjoyed it. And what I considered as my biggest achievement was not the 1st place in the Province level Debating Championship, but one of my juniors who had many problems made it until graduation.

Now, if I am allowed, I'm going to mention how proud I am to every one of you. Yes, I'm proud of Arum, who made it into success in her campus activity. I'm proud of Dharma Birawa, my calm and intelligent speaker. Faza Kautsarina, for being a superior "chicken little", Fika for being able to progress from one hell of an underrated 1st speaker to winning the Province level Debating Championship. Melinda, the one made it into Diajeng Jogja and still remember me. Ruthe, for developing her best, from the late comer into winning the very first trophy for SMA 2 at English Jambore. Linda, for being the speaker who never gave up. Ahmad Firdaus, for being the one showing me how to be a really good teacher, reminding me what an ideal teacher is, and teaching me that trainer should not be only a trainer.

In the next generation, I would also like to express my pride to Rani, Dici, and Erlin. They were the successful substitute team. Nothing left from the original team, and we had to build a new team from the scratch in the second semester. Yet, they managed to win some competition. Demi, for being one hell of intelligent supporter for the team, though he went to the competition only once. Leo and Rosa, for going to UMY competition and shared the joy of debating.

My third generation includes Dio Alief, the spiritful debater ever. He showed me his growth and development. Though never win any competition, he was the spirit of the team, with his enthusiasm and spirit. From being a very polite speaker to being a rapper in the debate. Yogis, for giving a new atmosphere and different sense to the SEDC debating world. Listya, the one showing her development over time. At first, she was a bit shy, but then she managed to be the lioness of the team. I admit her guts, for she was able to make decisive action together with Dio in the later time. You really cannot see it from the way she was in the first time. Mutia, the versatile speaker, who unfortunately tasted the sweetness of debating battlefield only once. But she's in United States now, together with Yustia. Hani, the one with a good observation skill and thus capable of being a good adjudicator.

The fourth generation brought with themselves, again, a different atmosphere. Cheerful and relaxed. Aditya Herlambang, the rude speaker who changed for the better into a spiritful speaker. Aulia Recky, the fast thinker who maintained the harsh side of the team. Eka, though short, he contributed to the team dynamic, and made a solid team. The other team, Olla, Yanti, and Puput also grew. They started as a team which zero winning streak in the first competition. But they outgrew the other team as the strongest team in the generation. Olla as the first speaker, with her "tukang becak" thingy, Yanti as the second speaker who was able to provide calmer atmosphere of thinking, and Puput, as the destroyer. You really cannot see how brutal Puput was in the debate from her daily behavior. Mayang, the debater as well as a manager for the whole debating club. She and Yuda, the ex-captain of OSIS, provided more administrative support for the SEDC, thus we had access on almost everything we need. Juno and Dias, the late-bloomers, but managed to reach the unexpected. Yes, they were debating for fun, with no ambition. Yet they managed to reach the semifinal at SMA 8 Debating Championship. The Dark Horse team, completed with Asvin, another late-bloomer. He was between Juno and Diaz in term of craziness. Wow, this generation is the biggest in number.......

Ah, what a memory... I've spent almost five years of my life teaching them debate and some life values. If I could, I don't want to leave them now. But all is said and done. I have no regret, since in fact, those are beautiful five years.

PS : Since I am so kind, I gave that annoying teacher a last gift, the book entitled "The Art of Dealing with People". With my handwriting, I wrote, "May this book help you in developing and IMPROVING yourself, as well as differentiate between POLITENESS AND ETTIQUETE and SELFISH PRICK!" Hehehehehe......

The Loyalty of an Old Barber

I don't know his name. Never really asked him though about it. But since the banner in front of his shop has this writing "Narimo", I always refer to him as Pak Narimo.

He was a barber. Not a famous nor a big one. In fact, I knew his place just by accident, since I was accompanying my grandfather buying satay, right across his place. At that time, I decided to try having my hair cut there. It was in 1999, and it cost me only 1500 IDR. Pretty cheap, eh?

Since it is not a big salon, don't expect to have harajuku style, or any other popular style. It is a grass root barber shop. Simple cutting, simple people. You could find pedicab drivers having their hair cut there, you could also find students, or old men. Yet, you will feel the peaceful ambiance there. It was almost similar to the atmosphere in the village.

It has been a long time for me to go there. Usually I have my hair cut by my mother (yeah, it's free) or by my neighbor (cause my mother will pay it. Damn, I'm so stingy in this matter!). And several days ago, I got annoyed with my messy hair. My neighbor's salon was closed, and I didn't want to ask my mother. Thus, I decided to pay "Pak Narimo" a visit.

I came to the place. No one's waiting. I sat directly in the chair, and he smiled at me. Still as friendly as ever. Still wearing tailored pants and white shirt, time seemed to freeze in that chamber. I said nothing about the model. Just need to trim it. It felt so nostalgic.

Suddenly, he asked me, "Where do you study now?" Ah, I thought it was just a friendly question. I answered that I'd graduated and worked as a teacher.

"Ow, time really flies," he said. "Last time you went here, if I'm not mistaken, you were still a student of junior high school!"

DEG! My heart felt like stop beating. He still remembered me, even after this long years. I never thought that I am worthy enough to remember. At a time like this, I felt very happy, because somebody would remember me, for being me.... Just when I thought that I worthed nothing to remember.

My haircut finished. I paid him with 10000 IDR bill, and he gave me change of 6000 IDR. "Thanks!" 4000 IDR! It was too cheap. Last time I went there, more than 4 years ago, it was still 3500 IDR.

However, I know that deep down, he didn't look for a prosperity. He searched for longevity and happiness. With that rate, many people still go there, especially those grass root people. When big businesses are hit by the global crisis, a business like this will still exist, under the consumer loyalty.

And I think, I'll continue visiting him to have my hair cut again. He deserved it, for remembering me after all these years.

An (Ever) Offline Account

I logged into my Yahoo Messenger, and saw his icon. Offline, just as usual. But from this point on, I know that it will never appear online again. Damn, should I just delete him from my friends list? But then, it would be as if I denied and erased all the history behind. And for me, past is something that formed us the way we are now.

I met him at the online forum, tracked back into five years ago. Video games forum, to be exact. He was selling DivX Anime back then, and I was drawn by the offer. He stayed in Yogya, the same city in which I reside. It might be easier and faster rather than my usual DivX vendor who resided in Jakarta. Thus, I decided to contact him, to be able to get all those precious films, which I cancelled later on, seeing on the price. Uh, probably it was me being too stingy though.

He was glad to find some forum users who came from the same city with him. Back then, in 2004, not many people from Yogya went into the forum. When Pink made a special thread for users from Yogya, we grew closer. Not that close, though, but since the thread was first populated only by him, Pink, Ast, and me, what did you expect? We filled the thread, bumping it over and over again. Our effort was worthed, many people started coming to the thread. We grew in number.

It came from Pink’s idea to make the first gathering. Too bad, only three people came then. Me, Pink, and him. Seeing him for the first time, we felt very shocked. He was more than six years older than us. Yet, when we played game in Fantasia, I felt this inferiority of being childish. He was so calm and looked mature. Yet, as a fellow Chinesemen (Okay, I’m being a racist bastard again!), he managed to see beneath my dark-arabic-like skin and face. He suspected me being a Chinese.

My first encounter with Yahoo Messenger led me to add him as my online friend. We chatted, and surprisingly, we found many interesting facts. We studied in the same junior high school, shared the same hatred and love towards several teachers there. And he actually knew my family! Yep, his father and uncle were actually my grandfather’s tennis and basketball mates. He used to live near my previous home. And, we share the same surname!
Furthermore, he even told me his plan to get married, the process of getting into the relationship, and the proposal. How the condition was reversed, in which the girl proposed him, upset of the slow pace. Hehehe! I also managed to find out that he used to have a kidney operation two years prior. It led him being unable to access the excessive workload. But he was in the recovery process.

Just few days ago, Ast posted in forum, asked us whether we knew the bad news from him. People started wondering, what kind of bad news was it. It turned out to be the worst news.

Just when Ast wanted to buy some papers from his store, he called him. Long tone, before suddenly a woman picked up the phone. She told him that Agus passed away that morning. Kidney failure. Very shocking.

So, I think I will just save your ID in my messenger list. At least, while I know that it will never appear online again, it will serve as a reminder of you. Agus Julianto, or better known as Agus08221 in VGI forum. So long my friend! Rest in Peace!

PS : But what should I do with your number in my phonebook???

Facebook oh Facebook!

A social networking site has become a hype since the introduction of Web 2.0. Well, not that hype though during the very first existence of it. Even I did not really pay any interest to the launching of Friendster Beta. I created my friendster account only to take a sneak peek to the global phenomenon (at that time).

During few months after the creation of my account, I didn't bother checking it at all, since I only got few friends with friendster account. But then, when they grew larger in number, I started to e caught in the flow. I started to enjoy looking for some friends of mine. Interestingly, I managed to meet some of my old friends there. Friends from elementary school, from junior high school, and some of old colleagues.

The ability to give testimonial to friends was very attractive. It became an arena to show off, a free place to encourage our narcissism. But the idea of testimonial grew older and started to be left behind. At that time, friendster started to change it into comment. But recently, the once-dynamic-site grew older and unattractive. I don't find enjoyment anymore. Nothing left to do there.

At this twilight moment, rise the dawn of facebook. As previous case, I joined facebook just because of the invitation from my friends. I created my account there, but I lost my interest to the social-networking site already. At that time, most people still used friendster, and only some migrated to the facebook.

As time went by, more and more people join facebook. I still hadn't found any good reason to be active in facebook, even with all the interesting application available there. I didn't play the game, I didn't bother sending gift or such. It was not until I found the interactive facebook mobile, in which I could access facebook via my beloved old cellphone. I found that it worked like plurk, it updated the news in a more detailed manner than friendster. (Beat me, I know I was such a n00b).

I started to be active in facebook, in terms of creating stronger bond to those in my friend list. I managed to find some people who were not in friendster before. I could even find my father's colleagues, some famous authors, some artists, and such. My mother's schoolmate did add me in facebook, thus making me the bridge for communicating with my mother. I found some lecturers of mine, and many pastors!

(This is the point of the writing!) To surprise me even more, I even found my father in the facebook. DAMN! I live with him, meet him everyday, and he didn't say any single word about joining facebook. And I found his profile!!! My dad, the techno dummy, the one who always blamed my gaming habit for corrupting the computer system, the one who couldn't differentiate between email and blog.......

Omidog! The facebook influence really is that wide!

Being A Teacher

Reading Pak Markus' notes in the Facebook, I suddenly remembered one of my precious experiences in teaching. This is one of the experiences that encouraged and strengthened my will to be a teacher.

His name is Fir. A troublemaker in school. He never had any friend for more than two months. The other teachers hated him that much, the other students alienated him. He skipped class often, mostly without giving prior notification. Nobody would like to be with him. Nerd, lazy, unsociable, your usual bullied kid. Yet, he was introverted.

Fir joined the English Debate Society, an extracurricular where I served as the trainer. The same fate happened here, since nobody voluntarily be in a team with him.

During his first debate tournament, he already caused problem, for both his team, the other team, and me as the trainer. He came late to the venue, since he knew not of the way, and he rode his bike to go to the venue. Twenty kilometers. He brought no cellphone, so there was no way to contact him. It caused his team to be disqualified. One of the adjudicators who happened to hold a grudge to me, blamed me in front of the public. Well, I didn't and never hold a grudge towards Fir though. I tried to console and calm him, when he faced the sinister looks from the adjudicators and some friends. He almost cried and felt very guilty for that. I didn't want to add his burden.

As time went by, his social life showed no improvement, leaving him teamless. However, I knew that I could help him. I approached him not as a teacher, not as a trainer, but as a senior, as a brother, and as a friend. He started telling me his problem, his family life, as well as his financial problem which made him feel inferior.

As a second year college student, I didn't really know what I should do. However, I believed that trusting him was something that I could at least do. I tried so hard to involve him in any activities. Though he was teamless, I tried to involve him in the practice by taught him how to adjudicate. Thus, he could still participate in the events. With his knowledge in computer and technology, I gave him the chance to manage our website, our forum, and our friendster account. I told the others to consult him in terms of brainstorming about computer and technology.

It worked. He didn't feel left behind anymore. He started trusting me, he started to listen to what I said, and he started to work himself out.

In time of national exam, I always have this habit of texting my students. Hoping the best for them. And to my surprise, in the moment of graduation announcement, he was the first one to text me. He told me that he graduated and had already received scholarship from one of the computer institutes in Yogyakarta. He said thanks to me, for trusting him, for not leaving him behind. Deep down in my heart, I felt this burst of satisfaction. It felt more than thousand orgasms to me. That was one of the things that put me into belief that being a teacher open a door to a miraculous work. We can create a change!

Spiderman meet Obama!!! It's for real!

Yeah, I downloaded Amazing Spiderman #583 already. Though it has no big arc, or special contribution towards the continuity, it is considered special though. How often do you see the president-elect of United States make it to the cover of the comics? Sure, in 1970's, Captain America was elected as a president, but being despised by US foreign policy, he decided to change his name into Nomad. But this time, Barrack Hussein Obama really make it to the cover!

Yes, Amazing Spiderman #583 was named as Special Inauguration Day Edition. As far as I know, Marvel didn't publish special inauguration day for other presidents. Dude, did that mean that Obama really is special?? Well, couldn't say anything though.

Well, the story was actually just a fragment. In the end of the comics, when Peter Parker was assigned to go to the inauguration day, he saw Obama's doppleganger. One of them is Chameleon. And in order to test both Obama, he asked them the nick name of Obama's nickname on his high school's varsity basketball team. The real Obama answered Barry O'Bomber, while the impostor said it was Barasket Oballma! Wuahahahahaha!!!

Another joke would come from Spidey's quote in dealing with the impostor. "Hey, I've got a little experience with imposters, be they clones, robots, or TOBEY MAGUIRE. I can help!" Tobey Maguire, dudes! ROTFL!!

Furthermore, Spidey pointed out that Biden saved grudge for him, since once Spidey mistaken him as Vulture! Bwahahahahahaha!!!! Omidog, Marvel!

I Still Miss Him after 8 years,,,,,,,,,,,,

I dreamt about him two nights ago. A person that occupied my hearts for long. The one who really cared about me, put me high, and supported me. His name is Agus Buntoro Junaedi, also known as Lie Beng Yun (sorry, don’t know how to trancript it into pinyin). And I used to call him Opa. Yep, he’s my grandfather from the mother side.

I got to say that I was his favourite grandson. Sure, I was his only grandson for 6 years. My little brother was born when I was 6 years old, but we moved away from his house. So, I could proudly say that his affection to me was greater than to my brother and cousins.

He passed away 8 years ago, in 2001. Diabetes Melitus, said the doctor. But the family still believe that the only reason he passed away was his heartbroken. He lost my grandmother 4 year prior. Gee, such a romantic love story (when will I have the same story?)

In my dream, he appeared to me as I remember him. Big, dark, tall, strong. His glorious era. “Doel, let’s go looking for sate kambing!” he asked me. Sate Kambing was something binding us, in fact. He liked to try food from various restaurants. Since he didn’t like to go alone, I was always the one he took. My father and uncle couldn’t eat much, so he wouldn’t be satisfied. Different with me, as my stomach is as bottomless as his, he liked to go with me. And his favourite food was Sate Kambing.

We took off, went to the restaurant, and coming back home again. To my surprise, we didn’t ride Viki (my red Yamaha V-ixion). We rode my old motorbike instead. The memorable Honda Supercup. Right in front of the graveyard near my house, we switched position. Reaching my house, I awoke.

Damn! I didn’t have any thought about him previously. Why did I dream of him suddenly? But then, I missed him deeply. So, Opa, wherever you are, please watch me from above.

PS : Have I made you proud, pa? I’m trying my best to be the best of me. But I’m not perfect. I still have some mistakes and flaws.

Review : Resident Evil Degeneration

Yep, I just purchased this movie three hours ago, and finished watching it half an hour ago. I was mesmerized and stunned. This is what Resident Evil movie should be. By releasing this, Capcom has redeemed their sin for the Resident Evil trilogy with Alice. I mean, who the hell is Alice?? She never appeared in any RE games. They tried to put Jill Valentine in the second movie, but she looked like a crappy cosplayer. The third movie featured Claire Redfield, and ended up creating an over-innocent Claire.

For more than years, I've craved for a 'real' RE movie. The real one, with the similar ambiance to the game. Shock and surprised here and there. Not some sort of action and explosion movie. Milla Jovovich was hot enough, but she brought RE to a completely new direction. Dammit, there were never any superhero in the Resident Evil saga.

When I heard the information of Resident Evil Degeneration months ago in the forum, I was jumping on my seat. A full CG movie of Resident Evil. And yeah, they could make spectacular things happened then. The glory of Final Fantasy Advent Children and its success in redeeming FF : Spirit Within aroused my optimism.

And today, while I'm browsing for new DVD movies in movie stack, I stumbled unto this heckuva title. Brought it back home, turned my parents' TV on (umm, they have this HD LCD TV, so I decided to go there instead of watching it in my home! :D), turned my DVD player on, put the DVD, and played it.

I watched the trailer first. Wow, who's that red haired cute girl? She's the main character in the movie. And I almost screamed happily. Claire Redfield! And who was that man? "I'm Leon Kennedy!" I felt like hopping around my house. They met again, 7 years after Resident Evil 2. After their solo action, Claire in RE: Code Veronica and Leon in RE 4.

I checked the plot. And yea, they recognized one another. It's in the continuity! They didn't make an alternate timeline, like when they screwed the trilogy. A reference to the events in the game. G-Virus, anybody??? Well yeah, they made Claire an NGO official, but in 7 years, it is possible. She still maintained her fighting capability.

Capcom did put a new character there, Angela Miller. Some of my friends are impressed with this character, but I think they put her there only for Leon. I kinda hope that they put Elza, the original character intended for RE 2, which was finally replaced by Claire. Her impressive and memorable scene was in the ending, when she wore 'that clothes' which showed her IMPRESSIVE cleavage! Kekekekeke!

However, IMO, Capcom played safe by not relating this arc into Umbrella corporation. I'm pretty sure they don't want to ruin the continuity in the game. And oh, I want Ada Wong in the movie too.... Make them meet! Jill Valentine (in the first costume, please! You're fighting, not going to the club!), Ada Wong, and Claire Redfield. Yummy!

The Destruction of the Ruin

Recently, I've been captivated with the headlines in KOMPAS. For several days now, it published a violation towards the remaining of Majapahit Kingdom. Some people tried to build Majapahit Information Centre (PIM), but in the process of construction, they blindly bulldoze everything. From the ancient well to the remaining construction of ancient housing.

Furthermore, the authority (local one) tried mutating the informant. They decided to move this person who spoiled the information about the destruction. WHA??? Brainless pricks! Thank God, the central government did give the order to stop the construction.

However, even though the order came, within a week after that, the construction process still run! Aaargh!! Didn't they know how precious are those ruins?

I couldn't help thinking, WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE PEOPLE THINKING? Majapahit is one of the greatest kingdoms in the world. No, not even kingdom. It is an Imperium. Its influence went broader than the recent area of Indonesia. Once, I even heard that the royal blood from Philipines and some other countries in the South East Asia still hold a view that they possesses bloodlines from Majapahit. A great kingdom indeed.

Chinese dynasty at that time also forge this strong bond with Majapahit. If this kingdom really was a small and insignificant one, how could the king married a Chinese princess? (FYI, Sindhunata did write about this one!)

I got the classified information from a team of archaeologists that dig the remnant of Majapahit. They predicted that the area of the capital covered more than one modern cities. Kediri, Trowulan, Jombang. So damn huge! It can place Indonesia in the same position with other countries. It could even beat the ruin of Acropolis, Angkor Wat, or Machu Pichu. And now, they want to make a fun park on it? GET REAL, you PRICKS!

A Tribute to Bu Sri Wahyuningsih

Yesterday (5/01) -- hey, I used this phrase everytime now -- I got a message from a friend from Senior High. My ex-home-class teacher passed away. WEW! Not in a good time though, since I was in the middle of a date. A first date with someone, cute one, and the one that finally made me fall. Gehehehehe!

At first, I couldn't attend the funeral, since it was scheduled at 4 PM. Dammit, I haven't finished my date! So, I just decided to pray for her from home. But then, I got an update that the funeral would be done in the next morning. So, I still got the chance going to her house.

She was a great teacher, though. She's very energetic and kind, especially as our home-class teacher. One interesting and memorable thing about her was her voice. When she taught at the IPA 2, students in IPS could even hear her voice. The way she explained things similar to the way she explained things to the children. But that's the way she is.

We used to call her Bu Suneo, though. She looks like Suneo's mother from Doraemon anime, with her curly hair and lips shape. Interestingly, many friends of mine forgot already her real name. They just know the nickname, Bu Suneo.

So, bu Ning, rest in peace. You are my teacher, and teachers lives an eternal life, since teachers transferred part of themselves to their students, which will also transfer that again to other people. Watch us from above, bu Ning!

Yon: Surprising Change!

Yesterday (3/01), I had a reunion with friends from elementary school. It seems funny, meeting them again after all this time. Well, that was not the first reunion though, since the first reunion was held two years ago. But in this opportunity, some people who couldn't make it to the first reunion managed to come. And yea, it is always fun to catch up some update from people.

One of the coming people was Yon, an ex-bully. And I was one of his victims. He bullied those smart asses (meaning I was one of the smart asses?? Hehehe! Kinda like that!) He did porn, he stole golden earrings, he fought seniors, and things. When we were in the junior high, I heard rumor that his arms were full with scratches. That could only signify his being an IDU (Injected Drug User). There was also a rumor that he had been convicted as a criminal.

A day before reunion, I got information that he'll come to the reunion. Damn, in an instant, the memory of being bullied by him came into my mind. I started imagining him coming as a big badass tattoed thug.

And, surprise came. He emerged as a reformed youngster. Completely a new person. All his words seemed so 'not him'. He told us that he changed his life, tried to lead a new life. He worked as a bartender in the Hyatt Surabaya, having reached a position as a captain. His regret and reforming commitment of not bullying others, not teaching drugs, and avoiding violence.

In the last session, however, I finally see that the basic trait cannot be changed. If he seek domination by violence in the elementary school, now he seeks domination over discussion and forum. He talked in a good and convincing way. But overall, his changes really surprised the rest of the class though.

Good luck brother, good luck in living the live, good luck in stepping all those narrow roads.