Dhewe

Dhewe

(Chrys. Siddha Malilang)

spaso

Aku ngadeg dhewe

lola kaya kere

ora ana sing gelem mrene

mung awakku dhewe

spasi

Ngalor peteng

Ngulon ireng

Ngetan thuntheng

Ngidul blereng

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Mbaung aku nangis brambang

ditinggal kadang

diidak rencang

anane mung dibalang

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Apa pantes aku dikuya-kuya?

Mung amarga aku beda?

Apa wong kabeh padha ora waskita

yen aku iku ya manungsa

soasi

Sujud aku sedhih

Luhku wus dadi getih

Tyas rumangsa perih

Ngesot nggoleki ora tau kepanggih

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Ngglimpung,

srumpung,

kesandung-sandhung.....

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Nanging aku tetep ngadeg

orang ketang dhadha sesek,

direwangi idu dilek........

spasi

Supaya kabeh padha weruh,

aku isih duwe ruh,

isih nembangake gambuh,

nganggo lambe abuh......

Statis

Statis

(Chrys. Siddha Malilang)

Ku tak mau,
Keluar dan menghadapi segala galau,
Karena aku tak akan mampu terbang bak bangau,
Yang bebas dan selalu meracau…….

Biarlah aku di sini,
Sendiri dan menyepi,
Sambil menahan segala nyeri,
Yang lama ada di dalam hati.

Dan aku hanya ingin terbakar,
Dalam tengah bara berkobar,
Sehingga tak akan ada lagi kasar,
Berlalu pergi tercabut bersama akar.

Lupakan segala derita,
Karena aku telah melayang bersama kata,
Musnah bersamaan dengan terbangnya bara,
Hilang lenyap dari nyata.

Tapi hari justru semakin kelam,
Ditelan pekatnya malam,
Dibalik selimut gulita alam, Tinggalkan aku jauh di dalam

Dan

Dan

(Chrys. Siddha Malilang)

Dan,
Semua akan terbakar,
Menari dalam geliatan selendang merah sang merak
Musnah, dan terpercik
Hanya meninggalkan butiran kecil nan halus
Yang tidak berbau,
Dan tidak berasa,
Tawar,
Tanpa ingatan yang terbawa dari masa lalu………

Dan,
Semua akan lenyap,
Tertutup oleh selubung pekat
Nan gelap
Yang terbayang dari penat,
Kekal,
Dan lekat.

Semua hancur,
Lebur,
Menjadi bubur,
Bersembunyi di balik kubur,
Seakan sebuah mayat yang tertidur,
Di atas kerasnya sebuah kasur,
Yang tajam dan menusuk lacur.

Aku hanya akan melihat semuanya,
Dengan mata terpana,
Tak mampu berkata-kata,
Karena aku sudah tidak punya apa-apa,
Dan aku tidak dapat berbuat apa-apa,

Semua telah hilang,
Melayang,
Bagaikan langit tinggi yang menjulang,
Tenggelam di dasar padang, Jauh dan tak terbilang

Siapa?

(Chrysogonus Siddha Malilang)

spasi

Saya,

bukan lagi sebuah bara

yang menyala-nyala

dan membakar kata.

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Aku,

berjalan tanpa pandu,

dan sakit teriakku,

karena mau tak mau,

kumakan pilu dan ngilu.

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Pedih dan perih,

merintih dan merepih,

merangkak dalam badai serpih

tanpa ada pelukan kasih.

spasi

Biarlah aku jatuh,

lihatlah aku mengaduh,

lepaslah aku merubuh,

tanpa sempat berteduh.

spasi

Siapa?

Tak ada.......

hanya hampa,

tiada kata,

tanpa rasa

spasi

Puisi ini dibuat dengan sekejap, sesuai dengan apa yang aku rasa di depan monitor ini. Hei, siapakah sebenarnya diriku ini, sehingga aku berhak meminta bantuan? Aku sudah bukan lagi aku yang dulu, sehingga semua masa laluku sudah menjadi sebuah tulisan di daun lontar!

Regret

Regret
(Chrysogonus Siddha Malilang)

In a darkened room, ye shall strenuously pray
Knelt shameless thee faithfully, for thy hideous sin
As timid marvelous doves flying separately across the cerulean sky
Caressing gently,
wiping your whole crying face
Awaiting for the opening of lazuardi,
Pouring a forgiveness from the seventh heaven,
Only for thee.

spasi

Well, what should I say about this poem, except that I wrote this poem by myself. It's quite clear though, what I want to convey through this poem. Yeah, simply I still cannot forgive those mistakes, eventhough time has passed so long ago. Perhaps, it's called forgotten not forgiven.........

Stopping by Woods on A Snowy Evening

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

(Robert Frost)

spasi
Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

spasi

Again, another poem from my literature class. It reminds me of myself though, how do I love a solitude these days, and this poem gives me an image of perfect solitude, which is dark, deep, calm, mysterious, yet lovely. If only I could stay there for the rest of my life, I would be very happy, but somehow, I still have to live my life. And miles to go before I sleep, yeah, I still have a long way to go, still have a long way full with pain. So, I couldn't take a sleep yet, thing that I wanna do. If only, I had nothing to do, except exiling myself in that solitude....... Perhaps, it gives a sign that I'm nothing but coward, because I want to run away from the reality, but I'm totally sick with all of these. I'm sick of seeing people wasting their grace, and even dumped them, tired of being dumped and considered as something from another world. I'm sick and tired of that. But I have promises to keep, yeah, still have something in my mind, a passion to take a revenge, a will to show the world what I'll achieve, and promise to keep standing firmly, a promise I made to my friends (Ruri, Naomi, Eddy, Panggih, Piglet, Icha, and Onald, with your help, I'll show the wold what I can do, I'll show to those violating me for years for being strange!!)

Bad Memories, eh?

Well, last Saturday, it seemed that all of my bad memories came back at once. When I went to pick Wini up to my house, her face suddenly reminded me of Ajeng, when she wore no glasses and repairing her veil. Unfortunately, her boarding house is in Jakal, which saved many memories of Ajeng and I, when we broadcasted together, on air together in Ardia, and even took our prize together. I never thought that I would remembered al of those stuffs again, because I've completely forgotten them.
The pain didn't go easily, because when I had a dinner with JDF people, we ate in PKL resto, which reminded me of PAL (only initial, because I affraid she would read this blog!). In a sudden, the memories of our togetherness came up in my mind. Then, the last thing was the memory when she dumped me without feeling guilty at all. I didn't know what to do. At that time, I felt likely to explode. God damn it!!!! AT time when I finally able to get rid of those feeling, they all came back and covering all of my body!!