Splitted Personas

Splitted Personas

Just last night, when I stare at my ceiling (like I have no other works to do....), somehow I realize that what some people said is true, that I've been splitted up into three different personas.

Nope, it's not the case of multiple personality, for I had a full awareness when I was transformed into those different personas. I know and fully aware of what I did and what I said. Meaning, it's not different personalities, but it tends to be a different mask that I wear. But, the masks have grown more than I expected before, they outgrow me! And it seems that I don't have any control to those personas.

I realized, those personas were created by my ideal self and by a part of me who want to be different person. And thus, the persona of Franky was created on my elementary graduation. He survived only like a year, for I was aware that I didn't need him to be accepted by my community. I can be the same old Siddha, the 'prex' Siddha! Siddha (which actually should be pronounced Sidd-Hha according to Dr. Gigi)

As the time goes by, I changed the way I write my name, from Ch. into Chr. when I started wearing my glassess in Senior High. I did that on purpose, I admit. I thought that Ch Siddha had lived in denial for 4 years, by hiding the fact that he got that eye problem.

However I changed the way of writing, I didn't change much. They still called me Siddha, Doel, and even Siddhut (okay, I admit this as a proud name of mine!!!!!!). Problem started without I realized it when I decide to introduce myself as Chrys, which I meant only to be a different person with cooler name.... It worked! But without I realize it, the "Chrys" persona started to be influenced by my previous shaped persona, Franky. Chrys is like the ideal person that Siddha can't achieved!

The other persona, Ali, was created when I feel the need to conceal my real identity in certain subject matter (For some guys there, you know the reason!)

The last persona that I possessed (and thanks God it didn't grow, for I didn;t feel the urge to use that again) is Elang. And thankfully, I have left it behind.

Now, the problem emerge, when I started to get confuse with those three personas. Sometimes, there is this confusion, when I have to introduce myself. Be it Chrys? Siddha? Ali? And it seems that all of the personas have their own world!

Chrys for the post SMA' relation.....
Siddha for the pre College' relation
Ali for (should I stated it?? You know it by ytourself!).....

The main problem is, with my three splitted personality, I feel incomplete! It seems that some parts of my body (and soul) are not unified in a single being! Hiks! How should I emerge them once agaiN?????? It seems too late, and I can't undo those things!!!!