Well, last night I did something very unusual, sending SMS to almost all of my friend, and ask them, what will they remember about me, if i die and they come to the funeral. Simply, the reaction is common, some of them thought that I'm desperate enough and want to commit suicide. But all of them give me a reply and fortunately they tell me that I am worthy enough to be remembered.
I don't know why, but these few day I feel very worthless and if I die, no one will ever come to my funeral (or even when they come, it's only just for formality). Because who am I? Only a mere boy, closed mind, anti-social, and even unadaptative!!!
As my previous post, I realized, that I do undergo a change, contradictive with my previous statement that somehow people change, but I don't. I feel that I'm not respected in every situation, and my sociality is very strange for people in my age.
Some people said that I'm different, and thus make me unique. But they don;t even have a glance that this world is not for someone different! I've experienced it, being something different and thus being alienated! Not to mention that great mistake..........
Perhaps, it's right that I'm to silent in all condition, always thinking about someone else, and have no time for myself. Or even Im maturing too fast, and thus have no childhood.........
I don't know it......
Or perhaps, I'll never know it!
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