Identity Crisis: Decimation

Identity Crisis : Decimation

Fanboys, feel familiar with the title? Yup, it’s the amalgamic version of two crossovers from DC Comics and Marvel, Identity Crisis and Decimation. Two great crossovers which changed the DC Universe and Marvel Universe forever. The first one trigger the Infinite Crisis, and the other one eliminate 98% mutant population in 616 universe. But we won’t talk about the plot and story of those mega-events........

Now, let’s move to the main point of this post. It happened some times ago, when my mum asked me to buy lunch for the whole family. We got no food, and since I was the one able to manage the money effectively ( meaning, I am able to get sufficient delicious food with only certain amount of money! ^_^ ). It was fasting month, and thus I wasn’t able to go to mbak Yayuk (our favourite food seller, quite cheap!). I went to Lezat (cheap chinese food restaurant near my grandparents’ house) instead.
It was no secret that my late grandfather had a crush with one of the owner of that restaurant. She was quite pretty, bachelorette (unfortunately, quite old.... Hehehehe!), and charming. It was the reason why I used to accompany my granddad eating there, so that he could stare at that woman. It was interesting memory anyway, now that he has passed away.

As the cino totok, they speak chinese most of the time with relatives, or with chinese customer. I remember that they also spoke chinese to my granddad (wonder how they know that my granddad was chinese, because he was similar to me, black, curly hair, big, and looked like an Ambonese instead).
At that time, I suddenly realized that I was out of their group, for I was unable to comprehend what they said, share no resemblance physically...... And I really feel that I lost half of my identity. Lost it for quite times......

As the mixbreed, I used to proud with both my Javanese and Chinese identity. Whenever I go to my Javanese family, they regarded me as Javanese, and vice versa. I took mandarin course when I was three-year old, spoke fluetly, even more fluent that those pure breeds, made those pure breeds and even my lao tse astonished. My grandparents often brought me to the meeting of their friends, introduced me proudly to their relatives and companies. I spoke mandarin with some of my friends, sing mandarin song proudly in any occassion (Cing-cing, remember when we sang Ai Pia Cia E Ya in my aunt’s wedding??? Or Yue Liang Tai Piao Wo Te Sin???)

But as a child, I did have the laziness trait, which led me to the decision of quiting the course. And since that, I got so little exposure to the kuo ie. So little that I started to forget it all (except for some words.....), from active speaker to passive listeners, and started to knw nothin’.

Still, after that knowledge gone, I still have my last chain, my last connection to that group, my late granddad. He still brought me everywhere, asked me to accompany him to every occassion. And when he died, it seems that my last chain has been broken, thus I got no more connection. What else? I don’t share the physical attribute, I don’t speak mandarin again, I got no mediator.. Completely broken. What I have left is only my name, and the kanji of my own name.......

So, this is the identity crisis. I feel like decimated from my chinese identity, losing half of my identity, made me able to share the same feeling with the mutants losing their ability in the House of M....
But hey, it’s no big deal! As long as I live..........