Hmm, akhirnya selesai juga seh play. Lysistrata!!!! !Setelah berjuang selama berbulan-bulan, semuanya terbayar dengan standing applause yang super meriah dari penonton... Rasanya memang plong banget seh!!! Lagian, pas adegan tarian, nyek-nyekan yang disambut dengan teriakan we want more, we want more!!!!
Cuma, ada sebuah rasa yang masih mengganjal.. Ndak tau kenapa, rasanya masih ndak puas banget seh.......... Ndak tau napa!!!
Friday, November 24, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Paradoks
Baru-baru ini aku dapet kiriman testi dari seorang sahabat lama, sahabat waktu SMP...... Seneng sih, akhirnya bisa ketemu lagi sama temen lama. Cuma, testi dari dia itu kaya’ mengusik pikiranku. Di testi itu, dia bilang kalau aku itu dulu tukang rayu, yang hobinya merayu cewek-cewek di jalan. Waktu pertama kali baca itu, aku langsung kebayang jaman-jaman SMP, waktu aku sama dia jalan bareng ke Gramedia (yang notabene deket dengan sekolahanku waktu itu) n ngelewatin Stece. Nah, di jalan itu kami selalu mbajul cewek-cewek stece. Hehehe, aneh kan? Anak SMP mbajul anak SMA..... Tapi, di situ asyiknya anak stece, karena mereka selalu membalas kami.... Bayangan kedua yang muncul adalah ramalan temen-temen SMP waktu itu tentang aku. Mereka waktu itu meramal kalau pas reuni yang akan datang (dimana kami semua sudah bekerja), aku bakal dateng ke reuni dengan istri dan 13 anak, saking hobinya ngerayu cewek.... Hwahahahahahaha!!! Jadi ngakak! Dari kedua memori itu, mau nggak mau aku jadi berpikir, membandingkan waktu itu dengan waktu ini. Dan apa yang terjadi?? Jauh dari waktu itu kan.. Aku malah berubah drastis jadi orang yang sangat tertutup, dan bahkan takut untuk menjalin sebuah hubungan. Gimana mau punya anak 13, wong malah punya pikiran kalau bakal jadi perjaka seumur hidup kok..... Alias ora payu! Kadang, hidup kita itu memang merupakan sebuah paradoks yang luar biasa besar yah!!!!
The porcupine syndrome
The porcupine syndrome, istilah yang aku dapat dari Shin Seiki Evangelion. Keadaan yang dialami oleh sang tokoh utama, Shinji Ikari. Dalam cerita itu, ia senantiasa menutup dirinya, dan oleh pembimbingnya, Misato, hal itu diidentikkan dengan seekor landak yang kesepian. Si landak itu menutup hatinya sendiri, menyendiri dan tidak ingin mendekati siapapun, karena ia takut akan duri di tubuhnya. Landak itu takut untuk berteman, karena ia menyadari bahwa duri di tubuhnya itu akan melukai semua yang datang mendekat kepadanya. Apabila ia nanti melukai makhluk tersebut, yang terluka itu akan menjauhinya, dan itu akan membuatnya merasa sangat terasing.
Jadi? Jadi, di dalam perumpamaan ini, si landak sebenarnya berpikir jauh di dalam hatinya, bahwa apabila ia mendekati orang lain, ia akan menyakitinya, dan dengan demikian ia akan tersakiti sendiri.
Kenapa tiba-tiba aku tertarik untuk membicarakan masalah ini? Karena aku sebenarnya merasakan hal yang sama. Ada ketakutan jauh di dalam lubuk hatiku untuk menjalin sebuah hubungan, entah itu pertemanan atau hubungan yang lebih. Aku takut untuk merasa terlalu dekat dengan mereka, dan perpisahan, entah karena sebab apapun, akan menorehkan parut di dalam hatiku.
Aku sudah kehilangan banyak, jauh di masa laluku. Aku tidak ingin kehilangan apapun lagi (and recently, I lost one of my best friend.........). Mungkin, hal dan pikiran seperti itulah yang membentuk diriku menjadi seorang yang tertutup seperti sekarang ini.
Aku sudah capek kehilangan, dan mungkin cara untuk tidak pernah kehilangan lagi adalah untuk tidak pernah memiliki. Mungkin...................
Jadi? Jadi, di dalam perumpamaan ini, si landak sebenarnya berpikir jauh di dalam hatinya, bahwa apabila ia mendekati orang lain, ia akan menyakitinya, dan dengan demikian ia akan tersakiti sendiri.
Kenapa tiba-tiba aku tertarik untuk membicarakan masalah ini? Karena aku sebenarnya merasakan hal yang sama. Ada ketakutan jauh di dalam lubuk hatiku untuk menjalin sebuah hubungan, entah itu pertemanan atau hubungan yang lebih. Aku takut untuk merasa terlalu dekat dengan mereka, dan perpisahan, entah karena sebab apapun, akan menorehkan parut di dalam hatiku.
Aku sudah kehilangan banyak, jauh di masa laluku. Aku tidak ingin kehilangan apapun lagi (and recently, I lost one of my best friend.........). Mungkin, hal dan pikiran seperti itulah yang membentuk diriku menjadi seorang yang tertutup seperti sekarang ini.
Aku sudah capek kehilangan, dan mungkin cara untuk tidak pernah kehilangan lagi adalah untuk tidak pernah memiliki. Mungkin...................
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Identity Crisis: Decimation
Identity Crisis : Decimation
Fanboys, feel familiar with the title? Yup, it’s the amalgamic version of two crossovers from DC Comics and Marvel, Identity Crisis and Decimation. Two great crossovers which changed the DC Universe and Marvel Universe forever. The first one trigger the Infinite Crisis, and the other one eliminate 98% mutant population in 616 universe. But we won’t talk about the plot and story of those mega-events........
Now, let’s move to the main point of this post. It happened some times ago, when my mum asked me to buy lunch for the whole family. We got no food, and since I was the one able to manage the money effectively ( meaning, I am able to get sufficient delicious food with only certain amount of money! ^_^ ). It was fasting month, and thus I wasn’t able to go to mbak Yayuk (our favourite food seller, quite cheap!). I went to Lezat (cheap chinese food restaurant near my grandparents’ house) instead.
It was no secret that my late grandfather had a crush with one of the owner of that restaurant. She was quite pretty, bachelorette (unfortunately, quite old.... Hehehehe!), and charming. It was the reason why I used to accompany my granddad eating there, so that he could stare at that woman. It was interesting memory anyway, now that he has passed away.
As the cino totok, they speak chinese most of the time with relatives, or with chinese customer. I remember that they also spoke chinese to my granddad (wonder how they know that my granddad was chinese, because he was similar to me, black, curly hair, big, and looked like an Ambonese instead).
At that time, I suddenly realized that I was out of their group, for I was unable to comprehend what they said, share no resemblance physically...... And I really feel that I lost half of my identity. Lost it for quite times......
As the mixbreed, I used to proud with both my Javanese and Chinese identity. Whenever I go to my Javanese family, they regarded me as Javanese, and vice versa. I took mandarin course when I was three-year old, spoke fluetly, even more fluent that those pure breeds, made those pure breeds and even my lao tse astonished. My grandparents often brought me to the meeting of their friends, introduced me proudly to their relatives and companies. I spoke mandarin with some of my friends, sing mandarin song proudly in any occassion (Cing-cing, remember when we sang Ai Pia Cia E Ya in my aunt’s wedding??? Or Yue Liang Tai Piao Wo Te Sin???)
But as a child, I did have the laziness trait, which led me to the decision of quiting the course. And since that, I got so little exposure to the kuo ie. So little that I started to forget it all (except for some words.....), from active speaker to passive listeners, and started to knw nothin’.
Still, after that knowledge gone, I still have my last chain, my last connection to that group, my late granddad. He still brought me everywhere, asked me to accompany him to every occassion. And when he died, it seems that my last chain has been broken, thus I got no more connection. What else? I don’t share the physical attribute, I don’t speak mandarin again, I got no mediator.. Completely broken. What I have left is only my name, and the kanji of my own name.......
So, this is the identity crisis. I feel like decimated from my chinese identity, losing half of my identity, made me able to share the same feeling with the mutants losing their ability in the House of M....
But hey, it’s no big deal! As long as I live..........
Fanboys, feel familiar with the title? Yup, it’s the amalgamic version of two crossovers from DC Comics and Marvel, Identity Crisis and Decimation. Two great crossovers which changed the DC Universe and Marvel Universe forever. The first one trigger the Infinite Crisis, and the other one eliminate 98% mutant population in 616 universe. But we won’t talk about the plot and story of those mega-events........
Now, let’s move to the main point of this post. It happened some times ago, when my mum asked me to buy lunch for the whole family. We got no food, and since I was the one able to manage the money effectively ( meaning, I am able to get sufficient delicious food with only certain amount of money! ^_^ ). It was fasting month, and thus I wasn’t able to go to mbak Yayuk (our favourite food seller, quite cheap!). I went to Lezat (cheap chinese food restaurant near my grandparents’ house) instead.
It was no secret that my late grandfather had a crush with one of the owner of that restaurant. She was quite pretty, bachelorette (unfortunately, quite old.... Hehehehe!), and charming. It was the reason why I used to accompany my granddad eating there, so that he could stare at that woman. It was interesting memory anyway, now that he has passed away.
As the cino totok, they speak chinese most of the time with relatives, or with chinese customer. I remember that they also spoke chinese to my granddad (wonder how they know that my granddad was chinese, because he was similar to me, black, curly hair, big, and looked like an Ambonese instead).
At that time, I suddenly realized that I was out of their group, for I was unable to comprehend what they said, share no resemblance physically...... And I really feel that I lost half of my identity. Lost it for quite times......
As the mixbreed, I used to proud with both my Javanese and Chinese identity. Whenever I go to my Javanese family, they regarded me as Javanese, and vice versa. I took mandarin course when I was three-year old, spoke fluetly, even more fluent that those pure breeds, made those pure breeds and even my lao tse astonished. My grandparents often brought me to the meeting of their friends, introduced me proudly to their relatives and companies. I spoke mandarin with some of my friends, sing mandarin song proudly in any occassion (Cing-cing, remember when we sang Ai Pia Cia E Ya in my aunt’s wedding??? Or Yue Liang Tai Piao Wo Te Sin???)
But as a child, I did have the laziness trait, which led me to the decision of quiting the course. And since that, I got so little exposure to the kuo ie. So little that I started to forget it all (except for some words.....), from active speaker to passive listeners, and started to knw nothin’.
Still, after that knowledge gone, I still have my last chain, my last connection to that group, my late granddad. He still brought me everywhere, asked me to accompany him to every occassion. And when he died, it seems that my last chain has been broken, thus I got no more connection. What else? I don’t share the physical attribute, I don’t speak mandarin again, I got no mediator.. Completely broken. What I have left is only my name, and the kanji of my own name.......
So, this is the identity crisis. I feel like decimated from my chinese identity, losing half of my identity, made me able to share the same feeling with the mutants losing their ability in the House of M....
But hey, it’s no big deal! As long as I live..........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)