Parting with Pride

Last Saturday, I came to the regular training of SMADA English Debate Community, a.k.a. SEDC. As usual, I was with Ika, my ex-trainee who is my teaching partner now. I have to admit that these several months, I gave her bigger portion, a greater time to be with the kids. Not because I´m lazy or something, but I want to give greater time for her to adapt and adjust herself to the teaching-learning condition. I have to say that I´m old enough, and 4 years taking care of SEDC is such a long time. As far as I know, not many trainers have been able to keep being in a single place for such a time.

I am tired, for there are many other things to take care of, for there are many unfinished business. And it is not that I love leaving this kids behind. As you can read in my previous posts, I really love teaching. I really love being an educator. I really love learning together with various people. I just need to realize that I do not have enough capacity anymore in dealing with them. Not being an official debater of my varsity anymore give me no access to JDF (Jogja Debating Forum). Thus, it means that I am not as capable as I used to be in giving those kids the latest info or development in debating realm. Hence, I need to retreat and give up my position to the younger ones, who are still progressing and developing themselves, who still have the access towards newest and recent info and development.

I realize this with my full consciousness. I am so aware of the fact that I will soon leave them behind. But one hurting moment is when those kids were looking for Ika when they had some problems. They directed their questions towards her, though I was there. Hmm, at that very moment, I felt very useless, I felt that my presence there was not counted. It felt bad when you are in the position like that. Seems like you are one of the unworthy kind. Yet, for all these years, these kids from SEDC were the ones supporting me, upheld me in my worse condition. They were the reason for me to keep smiling, to keep enduring the hardship I had in debating world. The reason for me to stay strong.

Yet, at the same time, I feel glad that one of my ex-disciple was able to surpass me, to replace me, and to be there when those kids needed something. It means that what I have been giving her all of these times were not going in vain. That those were useful. That I can be considered as a successful teacher.

But afterall, I am only a mere human being, crawling on the earth with my two legs. Nothing in me is so perfect. Thus, I am torn in this condition.

So, crying in the same time when I am smiling. So, this is it. Parting is one of the risk of meeting. If you do not want to part with someone else, then the only way to avoid that is only not to meet someone. Good luck for Ika, good luck for SEDC!