It started out as a feeling,
Which then grow into a hope
Which then turn into a quiet thought
Which then turn into a quite word
And then the word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I’ll call back when you call me
That was a lyric from “The Call”, an ending song of Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian. The song was sung by Regina Spektor. Ever since I first heard it in the cinema, I was drawn into it. Well, the melody is the one I like. Googling for it, but never got the MP3, perhaps because it is not a famous song. However, thanks to the miracle called youtube, I was able to get it complete with the lyrics.
No, I’m not going to comment on the song, on how it really is good. Still related to the previous post of mine, about the call. Is it an accident that I stumbled into this song on my playlist this morning? The very first part of the song gave me a clue of what a call is.
It was first a feeling, and then a hope, then we start thinking about it quietly, lingered in our mind. Okay, period here. I am in this stage, where the idea, the feeling lingered in my mind for like an eternity. But for me, that word is not, I mean, has not become louder as a battle cry. Instead, it is (still) a whisper.
Pay attention to the last line, I’ll call you back when you call me. So much of my missed-call concept, eh? That I’m delaying replying the call from above until I’m ready. But when is the exact time of my readiness? Is it now? Now that I’ve entered the grey area of life?
I humbly realized that no single living entity under heaven could help me in making decision. It’s solely the product of my own mind. In a flash, my mind flew back to SPD class, where bu Lani told us about CAC, Choice, Action, and Consequences. That we have to be ready to take any consequence from any of our action.
Going back to the fire aspect, I think I have yet to discover the fire within my soul. That fire will be the driving force (and no, I’m not referring to libido, since the context is out of Freud!). Once I find it, I’ll know where to go. Thus, I have to once again depart for a journey to my deepest self. Kinda remind me of tarot, where Hermit card is said to be my personal card, along with High Priestess. High Priestess means the esotheric side, and Hermit means a journey within to look something veiled deep in the soul of ours.
Gee, what’s the bottomline of my ranting? That I stumbled into a perfect song to add my confusion!
PS : Romo Agus replied my email of confusion and responded. “Maybe it’s good to consider your feeling over those options. What feeling is more dominant, then follow it!” (automatically translated into English – red. Huahahahahaha!)
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