A beloved ex-student tagged me in a facebook post about the brain-drain related case. It was nice to know and find out that you are missed. However, reading the article carefully got me thinking about the prospect of going back home.
Just before I departed to the land of Great Brittain, I was full of determination that whatever happen, I will still go back home and build my country. Just several days before the departure, I met my head of the study program and asked her whether I can still teach there again after I come back. She said wisely, "Don't rush in making the decision. Once you go abroad, many things will happen and you might change your mind. I am giving you the time to rethink that decision."
And yeah, just after I stepped my feet in this land of liberty, I started seeing things differently. There are things that I could never think would happen in Indonesia, and I love that. I enjoy the freedom and liberty. And just like what the article mentioned, things are more safe and simple. The cultural comparison also took place. I couldn't help but comparing the culture, how people are more organized and responsible in this society.
On the other hand, I started seeing Indonesia in a very different perspective. It is like seeing it from outside the box. And interestingly, it gave me different things to boggle and consider. How my way of being is just very different, leading me to reflect all the things I've done, how I did those things. Some things led me to the joy and happiness of improving myself, but for some others, I could not even look back because they were too awful and shameful.
Worse than that, there was even a point in which I was ashamed of being an Indonesian. You know what people said about us? That Indonesia is a rich and respectful country. Yet, majority of the people here know nothing about Indonesia. For people who tried to prove that Indonesia is better than Malaysia, you guys will have a heart attack here. People know about Malaysia, Singapore, and Thailand. But most of them heard the name of Indonesia for the first time when I mentioned my origin.
In that lowest point, a friend told me, "That is the reason why you were sent abroad. You see the condition, and it's your task to return and educate people of Indonesia. You have to make the change!"
But, I am not sure anymore what am I going to do after I finish this course. Thus came the hardest question from a friend during lunchtime today, "What is your plan for next year?"
I don't know. I just don't know.
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