Illusion, Marriage, and Relationship

From the last peer teaching session during my training at LISDU (Language Institute Sanata Dharma University), there was some story left to share.

It was a training session to teach the advance students. In the advance class, most of the activities are discussion and discussion. There were three turns for us to teach (fortunately, it was not my turn), with the same material. Marriage problem. The ones who don’t teach were asked to be students from different major and academic background. Being a weird guy, I chose three different queer backgrounds during the turns. At first, I was a theology student. Second turn, a philosophy student. Last one? Accounting student! Each background influenced my answer and attitude towards the problem…. (Imagine an accounting student who said that marriage is in fact an investment! The beneficial one!)

However, what I want to say here is what I reflected on my own saying during the second turn. As a philosophy student, I tried to relate my answer to the philosophers. Unfortunately, I couldn’t recall many. Only Buddha came to my mind. Thus, when Nov asked me, “What is the most common problem in marriage?” I answered quite weird.
“I think the problem is that people are trapped within this whole concept of marriage and relationship. Marriage and being in a relationship are so overrated nowadays! Those are man-made, and don’t need to be regarded very highly. Don’t fuss over it too much! Man-made is never eternal, and basically hardly anything is immortal. Everything is just an illusion!”

I DID SAY THAT, trust me! Incredible!

This made me stunned. On the way back home, I tried to digest those words. Everything is not perpetual, only a mere illusion. If so then, what is our goal in life? Nov asked me that too in class. Moreover, she also asked what I want to achieve. “So, basically you just want to go with the flow? That you don’t want to marry someone?”

“I didn’t say that I want to live celibate. I will probably marry. Marriage is important in human life, but not that important. One day, you will lose it as well. So, why cling too hard on it?

“The ultimate goal is not to avoid any ‘illusion’, but to shift your perspective. That nothing is everlasting. The ultimate goal is to look for the Nibbãna, the state in which you are free from anything. From any dukkha, from any sańkhãra. The state in which you don’t feel any suffering or excitement. The eternal and true happiness!”

Yeah, I also wonder, how could I say that????? BIG QUESTION MARK! What was into me then?? To think that it is very hard to release ourselves from these material thingies!

She asked me again, how I live then.

Central way, that was what I said. By neither following the material world nor choosing complete avoidance. Later, I found the best example from Samyutta Nikãya. The way to cross flooded river is to keep going, not stopping or fighting against it. That we need to get through everything, but not too absorbed into it.

It’s not the total exile! It is not total absorbance either.

My mum laughed out loud upon hearing my story then. But she then said, “Can you do what you have said?”

OUCH! That’s hurt!

Lastly, I still wonder how did I say that???? I said it without thinking… Really, really… I just don’t know myself…..